May I rant on your shoulder please?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

BA...let me clarify the part about owning things for you because it is so important .....and I am so much better communicating in person than I am on paper and because of that I often fail to make my point or make myself clear....

Owning your part in it is not really about fault or about you being responsible for anything he has done....

I will use myself for an example. When I had my abusive relationship...I eventually "owned" that I turned my head and avoided confronting the truth when it was in front of me...I constantly made excuses for inexcusable behavior....I pretended I was stupid and/or naive so I didn't have to confront my own weaknesses. I lied to myself constantly and made it his fault when my lies were exposed to me. I made him responsible for my feelings. I punished him for things he didnt' do to avoid punishing him for things he did do just so I didn't have to see them. I made excuses for myself allowing him to treat me the way he did.

I could go on but hopefully you get the drift....

There are always dynamics involved that are unique to each situation and owning your part in anything is the greatest freedom you can give yourself....I promise.

If you see it as "blame" or even "fault"...redirect your thinking until you see it as personal responsibility. It will give you an amazing sense of freedom but initially it doesn't seem as though it will.

I know what you are talking about. "Allowing" things to go on is one of my big stumbling blocks. I tend to 'allow' much because of the illusion of peace it brings.

I am also aware that there may have been things I have done that may have made it easier for him to go and have fun. Such as not question too much the odd fact that it takes only a half hour to get to work, yet an hour and a half to get home...

I do get stuck in the 'its all my fault' program loop. I'm real good at making excuses for others and laying fault for many things beyond my control at my own feet. Thus the whole 'owning' thing is one of my blind spots as I 'own' too much.

Thanks