09-07-2012, 09:54 PM
First Lots of big, safe hugs to you, David.
My suggestion would be to keep the garden your territory, but make washing and putting the produce you harvest away his job (what I do with non gardening partners) He can also certainly go out there with you and help you pull weeds, water and small things like that.
Yes he should do some of the yard work, he does have a job so perhaps the less time consuming things that can be done on his days off would be okay there.
Cooking, yeah that's hard when he basically can't cook, but you can get him to help and, in the process teach him a bit more cooking too. Have him act as your sous chef - doing the prep work while you do the actual seasoning and cooking.
Decide what other household chores he can do to your satisfaction and when they need to be done, then make a chore list for him, if it isn't on the list, it's your job and he need not worry about it. List everything, including him picking up after himself, and since you cook, he should wash dishes and wipe down the counters and stove at least once daily after the evening meal.
The financial tangle is a lot harder to deal with. That car, pretty easy if you have another vehicle, then just let that be his. Cost wise as far as rent an utilities go, I'd say total 400.00 to 600.00 per month for that place. (based on the higher cost of living out there and, a studio cabin here going for 300.00/month utilities included.)
It sounds like you did what I do, took the majority of the financial burden on yourself for both of you. Obviously trusts, will, insurance policies need amended or dropped as you see fit. That's the worst of it. The rest is a matter of how demanding you want to be on him, and what he is realistically capable of covering at this point in his life. Some of the thing you paid on his behalf, you will just have to let go. You paid for it all in good faith that you would remain a couple, that didn't happen but, you can't ask him to repay things from the time it was a good relationship and, you two made joint decisions to pay it as you did, or you were left to pay it due to his lack of ability to pay.
Now, you need to get it as close to being separate or 50/50 as possible. Like his car insurance, he needs to pay that while you pay yours. If not in actual money he contributes, then in work he does that you would otherwise have to do yourself to make up for any financial shortcomings of his.
As hard as it is to accept, you will never recoup what you put into the relationship financially, it boils down to evening it out form today forward and letting what you paid in the past go, it's done, over and trying to balance and recoup that just isn't worth the hassles or the headache.
However you ultimately work it all out, and while you're working it out, rant on my shoulder all you want. I might not be much help, but venting makes us feel better.
My suggestion would be to keep the garden your territory, but make washing and putting the produce you harvest away his job (what I do with non gardening partners) He can also certainly go out there with you and help you pull weeds, water and small things like that.
Yes he should do some of the yard work, he does have a job so perhaps the less time consuming things that can be done on his days off would be okay there.
Cooking, yeah that's hard when he basically can't cook, but you can get him to help and, in the process teach him a bit more cooking too. Have him act as your sous chef - doing the prep work while you do the actual seasoning and cooking.
Decide what other household chores he can do to your satisfaction and when they need to be done, then make a chore list for him, if it isn't on the list, it's your job and he need not worry about it. List everything, including him picking up after himself, and since you cook, he should wash dishes and wipe down the counters and stove at least once daily after the evening meal.
The financial tangle is a lot harder to deal with. That car, pretty easy if you have another vehicle, then just let that be his. Cost wise as far as rent an utilities go, I'd say total 400.00 to 600.00 per month for that place. (based on the higher cost of living out there and, a studio cabin here going for 300.00/month utilities included.)
It sounds like you did what I do, took the majority of the financial burden on yourself for both of you. Obviously trusts, will, insurance policies need amended or dropped as you see fit. That's the worst of it. The rest is a matter of how demanding you want to be on him, and what he is realistically capable of covering at this point in his life. Some of the thing you paid on his behalf, you will just have to let go. You paid for it all in good faith that you would remain a couple, that didn't happen but, you can't ask him to repay things from the time it was a good relationship and, you two made joint decisions to pay it as you did, or you were left to pay it due to his lack of ability to pay.
Now, you need to get it as close to being separate or 50/50 as possible. Like his car insurance, he needs to pay that while you pay yours. If not in actual money he contributes, then in work he does that you would otherwise have to do yourself to make up for any financial shortcomings of his.
As hard as it is to accept, you will never recoup what you put into the relationship financially, it boils down to evening it out form today forward and letting what you paid in the past go, it's done, over and trying to balance and recoup that just isn't worth the hassles or the headache.
However you ultimately work it all out, and while you're working it out, rant on my shoulder all you want. I might not be much help, but venting makes us feel better.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
