May I rant on your shoulder please?

[Blue]

I know, it hurts - go on get mad, yell, scream, go beat up a tree or two, then come back and get a hug.



If I could, I'd sort as much as possible for you. Don't take the lion's share of the work and chores on yourself. Do live to win, but right now that might mean the best you can do is cut your losses and stop the bleeding.

I know too well that survivor mentality, that even though you KNOW better, that niggling voice keeps telling you it's all your fault, you deserved it somehow., that it's just history repeating itself and, it's probably going to happen again. I'd tell it to shut the hell up, but it won't listen to me, it will listen to you though. Don't go there, man, you not only deserve better, you are better, stronger than that.

Don't reward him, beyond perhaps not demanding he repay what you know he can't afford to repay. I know it's a headache, but you've got to sort it out and get things balanced, so you aren't carrying the lion's share anymore. Accept and take on what you can and give the rest to him as far as chores go. I would ask him to pay rent since with an outside job, he simply won't be there to do some of the work around there, and he can't cook.

Once the mess is sorted, live for you, live to win. You don't have to be a cold, cruel ass to do that, you just have to care about you and your future and, not sacrifice yourself or your finances for anyone ever again. You know how to do it as well as I do.

It's hell putting all of that therapy and all of those life lessons into practice that you know will work in your favor, but I can tell you from personal experience that when you do, it all comes together so fast it's hard to keep you head from spinning. I finally did it 10 years ago, you know where I was then. Living hand to mouth in a truck somebody else owned, making 40,000 a year. with no retirement plans beyond Social Security, popping pills, running more white lines than I care to count up my nose, killing myself for nothing.

Where am I today? I own my home, one I built myself, the home I want, I'm off drugs for good, I have both a substantial 401K and an equally substantial IRA. A brand new Chevy Eco, a 3 year old Silverado pickup, two boats (One canoe and one Carolina Dory) and, a firearms collection that would make a doomsday prepper green with envy and, a net worth of over 1,000,000.00 Yeah that fast and you know what, I'm not an ass, I'm probably one of the most generous, empathetic, compassionate guys around but, I don't pull the punches when it comes to being honest with people around me and, I don't sacrifice my own well being in any way for anyone.

Yes I had a partner for nine of those years but, it wouldn't have mattered if I hadn't and, it doesn't matter that he's gone now. I wanted him with me, loved the good times we shared, even gave him quite a bit when we split but, I NEVER needed him. I knew I could do it alone if I had to. I had the knowledge and the tools to do it. And I never let him take more than I could afford to give on any level.

David, you have it all too, and I know you're angry and hurting right now, and putting it all into practice seems like a horrible, impossible nightmarish task but, it isn't impossible. Take some time for you, heal a little and just worry about you. Then take it one step at a time, but don't give in and don't give up. You can and will come out the winner, and stay the winner.