May I rant on your shoulder please?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

What Bob said.

Move forward, and upward when you are ready. Just no more downward allowed okay? We'd all hate to see you go there again. (and you know where that is).

Um. Which place? Swimming in a Sea of Alcohol? Reverting back to using sunshine in a bag? Or taking antidepressants and instead of keeping a promise just keep my f-ing mouth shut and just doing 'it'?

To tell the truth I have toyed with all three of these options this past week.

Instead I called the brother in-law and asked him to come over. I handed him all my fire arms (yes including the sidearm in the box that used to be next to my side of the bed) and asked him to hold them for me, as there have been break-ins and thefts in the neighborhood (no lie there) and I didn't want my tools being used in a murder.

He has 'the vault' a semi-buried basement where he has a cinder-block wall and a steel door. He keeps all of his hunting gear in their since they always had kids, now grand kids in the house. A safe place.

I guess that's ex-brother-in-law. As far as I know no one in the family knows what's going on. I haven't said anything to face to face people we know. For some reason I feel ashamed and embarrassed.

Anyway, I have thought a few strange thoughts and have taken some steps toward keeping me safe from my very worst enemy (myself).

Everyone else - thanks for your support and kind words. It is very much appreciated.