May I rant on your shoulder please?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Yeah Bob, I know.

Intellectually I know the 'right stuff' to do. Me heart ain't in it - which is to say that emotionally I'm unable to function at this time.

Half the time I don't even know what I am feeling, the other half I slide into the deepest, darkest pit of hell and can't see anything for the blackness.

When I'm sick or hurt I'm like a dog that has been hit by a car, it lays there hurt and in pain and will snap, bite and growl at anyone who approaches to help.

Its a self defense mechanism that has actually saved me in times passed. Sure there are times when it turns around and does more harm than good.

I'm also cursed in being a 'slow thinker'. I think way too much and go through a long, slow processed of tipping over every stone and seeing what is underneath it as I work through to solutions.

Look it took me about a week to confront him, I remained silent and mulled over the emails I saw. Its going to take a month or so for me to reach out to a real person. I'm 'slow' to do things when it comes to the heart. Its just the way I roll.

Eventually I will find myself either at a therapists office or at a friend/relatives spilling my guts. Getting there for me is a process.

Yeah, sometimes I hate the process.