Extremely confused, need some advice (be warned, story's a bit long)

[Bowyn Aerrow]

About a year ago, he started dating this girl, and they quickly became talked about because both of them admitted to never really doing anything of a sexual nature with each other, which struck most people as pretty odd.

He's a surgeon, that ain't right - he's a sturgeon.... no that ain't right either, what is that very rare, near mythical creature in the world? - not a unicorn, those are dime a dozen - oh a VIRGIN!!!!!

I did 'date' in high school, girls - but only to keep up appearances and I always made a deal about my being a gentleman and that my parents wanted me to wait until marriage. Well that was the lip service I paid to the lie. When a girl got pushy I suddenly found myself 'pursing' another girl - "Oops, sorry, did I forget to mention I have a thing for Wendy?"

I didn't date boys and as far as I knew boys were off the menu. Different times, different place, gay/bisexual was just not an option.

When I was 24 I was still a virgin. Then I met Robert. Aside from the initial impact of the flood of emotions of 'attraction' I had - some I hadn't had for anyone else to that point, there was the terrible fear that once we did 'it' I was committed to a path which I couldn't turn away from.

I struggled with the emotions and choices. I spent six months trying to balance out 'wants' against 'needs', trying to resolve logic errors between what society demanded out of me and what my heart wanted.

It took about 6 months before I was willing to go to his place and open myself up for 'it'.

Sex was the defining act. I flirted a little, enjoyed those all to brief moments of physical contact with him (like the leg touching thing) and the jokes and the smiles... but Sex lurked there between us - my fear of what it would mean if I did 'it'.

I was a bit more experienced in the ways of the world at 24 than when I was in high school. I also had a bit more knowledge since I did the whole college and university thing and had been exposed to the LGBT culture through work-related projects.

Had Robert entered my life when I was in high school I most likely would be taking a lot longer to resolve those logic conflicts and struggle with the whole thing for years.

I suspect that X is gay/bi but is terrified to commit to an act that may lead to sex. Sex is the point of no return. I also suspect that he is a virgin and is surrounded by the tales of sexual exploits that is common in high school and feels 'less than' everyone else since his secret shame is he is a virgin.

I'm not going to say what you should do.

You may want to consider talking to him face to face (don't you dare use technology - no phone, no text messaging, no emailing, this is a private conversation that should be done when you two are face to face) and tell him you would like to spend more time together and that means without having sex.

Tell him you wouldn't mind the occasional cuddle - but that doesn't mean you want to go all the way (have sex).

Create a 'safe space' for him. A space where he can explore his emotional side without having to commit to the sex act. Ask him if he thinks kissing on the lips is ok. If not, then say 'we don't have to do that, I'm ok with that'.

I suspect he needs time to explore the emotional side of 'gay' relationships to get a better idea of what he really wants.

Sure to people in the know and who are comfortable about their own sexuality is is evident that he is gay/bi. He may not see it that clearly and may feel that as long as he doesn't have sex with a guy he can still 'choose' straight.