Most gay men seem to have a perfect body ?

[gavjg]

I have been trying to loose weight, And I had lost 60lbs but due to depression I had put about 40lbs back on.
I have been back on a diet for a few weeks or so and nearly lost again 14lbs, But having a few medical problems I cannot walk far or lift very heavy stuff.
I had posted on the mental illness post earlier that I had to make an emergency appointment with my doctor.(Please see this thread if you want to).
As well as very low self confidence and esteem I just feel like I am never going to get there, And at 43 it is only my father who doesn't know about me being gay.
I just want a hug in the times of need and although I am trying my best to improve my lifestyle I just feel am I worth it all ?
Emotions through the roof and because of the urgue to just get away I haven't hardly eaten for 4 days.
I just want a friendship/Partner for who I am and to believe in me