10-01-2012, 02:26 PM
Let me just start by saying wow, that's a lot of pressure.
There seems to be a cycle from the description you provided.
1) You become frustrated from the lack of sexual satisfaction and share your feelings.
2) Your bf attempts to fix the problem by trying your suggestions or trying to do something different.
3) There's little to no improvement, which in turn increases your frustration and lowers his self confidence and increases the pressure for him to do better.
Although superficially, the problem may seem obvious and simple, it rarely is when feelings are involved. As much as we may want to be in control of what and how we feel, this is almost never the case. Similar to how you cannot help feeling frustrated, your partner cannot help feeling pressured because he knows what your expectations are and that he's not living up to them. The underlying reason for any erectile dysfunction is performance anxiety, and I imagine anyone in his shoes would be having the same kind of problems. Under that kind of stress, anxiety, and pressure, I'm surprised he manages to get hard at all.
The good news is you're both still trying. The bad news is that each try becomes more disappointing than the last, which only serves to perpetuate the cycle and destroy the comfort and security between the two of you. My suggestion is to shift the focus a bit. The main priorities right now should be:
1) Lowering your frustration by increasing your sexual satisfaction
2) Lowering the pressure your partner feels
My guess is, once your partner feels less pressure and becomes more confident in his performance, trying again will yield more improvements. The real thing to keep in mind is any improvement is better than none, and encouragement is very important. Change will be slow and painful. The question is, are there other ways for you to feel sexually satisfied without your partner penetrating you? Are you capable of going a period without being the bottom and not feeling sexually frustrated?
The mind tries to make sense of the world it's in, and what's true may not always make sense. Your perception of what's happening becomes your reality. You perceive that your partner doesn't enjoy being the top because of what's observable to you. This is perfectly logical, but not enjoying the experience doesn't equate to not wanting it. Similarly, it doesn't seem like you've been enjoying your current experience as a bottom, but that doesn't equate to you not wanting to be a bottom.
Understanding and patience is a must if there's going to be any positive changes. If things continue on it's current path, I fear it will only continue to worsen for the both of you. I wish I could provide more specific advice, but the details are for the two of you to figure out. What works and what doesn't work will be specific to the individuals involved. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you manage to work through it.
There seems to be a cycle from the description you provided.
1) You become frustrated from the lack of sexual satisfaction and share your feelings.
2) Your bf attempts to fix the problem by trying your suggestions or trying to do something different.
3) There's little to no improvement, which in turn increases your frustration and lowers his self confidence and increases the pressure for him to do better.
Although superficially, the problem may seem obvious and simple, it rarely is when feelings are involved. As much as we may want to be in control of what and how we feel, this is almost never the case. Similar to how you cannot help feeling frustrated, your partner cannot help feeling pressured because he knows what your expectations are and that he's not living up to them. The underlying reason for any erectile dysfunction is performance anxiety, and I imagine anyone in his shoes would be having the same kind of problems. Under that kind of stress, anxiety, and pressure, I'm surprised he manages to get hard at all.
The good news is you're both still trying. The bad news is that each try becomes more disappointing than the last, which only serves to perpetuate the cycle and destroy the comfort and security between the two of you. My suggestion is to shift the focus a bit. The main priorities right now should be:
1) Lowering your frustration by increasing your sexual satisfaction
2) Lowering the pressure your partner feels
My guess is, once your partner feels less pressure and becomes more confident in his performance, trying again will yield more improvements. The real thing to keep in mind is any improvement is better than none, and encouragement is very important. Change will be slow and painful. The question is, are there other ways for you to feel sexually satisfied without your partner penetrating you? Are you capable of going a period without being the bottom and not feeling sexually frustrated?
The mind tries to make sense of the world it's in, and what's true may not always make sense. Your perception of what's happening becomes your reality. You perceive that your partner doesn't enjoy being the top because of what's observable to you. This is perfectly logical, but not enjoying the experience doesn't equate to not wanting it. Similarly, it doesn't seem like you've been enjoying your current experience as a bottom, but that doesn't equate to you not wanting to be a bottom.
Understanding and patience is a must if there's going to be any positive changes. If things continue on it's current path, I fear it will only continue to worsen for the both of you. I wish I could provide more specific advice, but the details are for the two of you to figure out. What works and what doesn't work will be specific to the individuals involved. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you manage to work through it.
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