10-02-2012, 04:03 PM
Spencer:
You made some very valid points and suggestions. I'll respond according to your seperation of paragraphs.
1) My shyness used to be very extreme and unhealthy because there were many other factors involved, including social anxiety, lack of confidence and self esteem, lack of experience (from having no friends and being extremely sheltered). I'm worked through most of these, and have become much better in terms of building confidence and doing things outside my comfort zone, but it still requires a great deal of mental energy and willpower. I'm just not much of a talker, so I don't say much. I normally don't talk unless spoken to. I don't try to talk over people and I don't cut people off. For me, most people are more interested in hearing themselves talk than hearing what I have to say, and since my natural state is to listen rather than talk, that's generally what I do.
2) The people I've dated are very different from each other. They vary in ethnicity, education, interests, etc. They also tend to be very confident, or at least, very good at projecting confidence to the world. Some of them were friends for a long time before I started dating them. Granted, there's only been a handful relationships, so if there is some kind of pattern or correlation between them, it's one that's more subtle that I haven't yet identified. I do have generic qualities that I'm personally attracted and drawn to, which includes things such as authenticity, honesty, strong sence of morals, and compassion/kindness, which they all seem to have in common with each other.
3) Things that you know may seem very obvious to you, but they're not at all obvious to others. It's hard to be an accurate judge of how others perceive you because you know yourself in terms of how you think, your beliefs, and your past experiences. It's easy to assume something is normal or common because you're so familiar with it when in fact, it's rare.
4) I enter relationships because I believe life has more meaning when you're sharing it with another person. Two heads are better than one. Having a partner is like having an anchor. They keep you grounded when you're stressed out of your mind. They provide you with comfort and reassurance when you're emotions are out control. Being in a relationship helps keep me sane when the world is throwing too much on my plate. To me, a partner is like a partner in crime. Someone who has your back just in case things happen to go wrong. It's not required, but it enhances the experience of living. It's someone you can learn and grow with.
I hope I addressed everything you mentioned in your post.
You made some very valid points and suggestions. I'll respond according to your seperation of paragraphs.
1) My shyness used to be very extreme and unhealthy because there were many other factors involved, including social anxiety, lack of confidence and self esteem, lack of experience (from having no friends and being extremely sheltered). I'm worked through most of these, and have become much better in terms of building confidence and doing things outside my comfort zone, but it still requires a great deal of mental energy and willpower. I'm just not much of a talker, so I don't say much. I normally don't talk unless spoken to. I don't try to talk over people and I don't cut people off. For me, most people are more interested in hearing themselves talk than hearing what I have to say, and since my natural state is to listen rather than talk, that's generally what I do.
2) The people I've dated are very different from each other. They vary in ethnicity, education, interests, etc. They also tend to be very confident, or at least, very good at projecting confidence to the world. Some of them were friends for a long time before I started dating them. Granted, there's only been a handful relationships, so if there is some kind of pattern or correlation between them, it's one that's more subtle that I haven't yet identified. I do have generic qualities that I'm personally attracted and drawn to, which includes things such as authenticity, honesty, strong sence of morals, and compassion/kindness, which they all seem to have in common with each other.
3) Things that you know may seem very obvious to you, but they're not at all obvious to others. It's hard to be an accurate judge of how others perceive you because you know yourself in terms of how you think, your beliefs, and your past experiences. It's easy to assume something is normal or common because you're so familiar with it when in fact, it's rare.
4) I enter relationships because I believe life has more meaning when you're sharing it with another person. Two heads are better than one. Having a partner is like having an anchor. They keep you grounded when you're stressed out of your mind. They provide you with comfort and reassurance when you're emotions are out control. Being in a relationship helps keep me sane when the world is throwing too much on my plate. To me, a partner is like a partner in crime. Someone who has your back just in case things happen to go wrong. It's not required, but it enhances the experience of living. It's someone you can learn and grow with.
I hope I addressed everything you mentioned in your post.
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