What's on Your Mind

[IanSaysHi]

Have had plenty of similar waking ups myself. Often when I don't want to deal with things that are happening.

Stress is very much the catalyst of many situations like this. Handling stress is key.

I always find it funny how mechanisms that evolved to be of help in particular challenges (i.e: Immune Response, Stress) are counterproductive and damaging if they remain "turned on" for long.

It's odd because I spent my twenties in jobs where every day felt a battle. When I was a chef, I worked the craziest hours, felt constantly trapped and deflated, I wasn't sleeping and if it wasn't for the people I worked with, I'd have gone bonkers. I'd spend my days off on edge in case the dreaded call came through - "So-and-so is sick, we need you to work". Easy solution was to not answer my phone or say I'd gone somewhere for the day, but you'd be questioned/interrogated on your return as to why you never answered your phone, plus I'm not a fan of lying (did too much of it in my teens). It was only thanks to my epilepsy that got worse as my hours increased (at one stage I'd sleep in the restaurant so I could get everything done the next day and I'd be there til 3am some nights anyway), that led to me leaving. I could cope with the odd seizure but 7 in six months took it out of me so I just quit.

Now I'm in a job I adore, and I think because I spent 12 years doing intense work and hours, it's like I still can't believe you can be happy in a job. I'm always on a mission to impress as I never want my career to end. However I think this has led to me always concentrating on the rare times things go wrong, rather than the positive feedback I get almost every day (sorry if I sound big headed - not my intention at all and if anything I'm one for putting myself down). I'm really trying to stop seeing the small bumps in the road as end-of-the-world scenarios. My Dad suffered from stress intensely and I hope I can conquer mine