What to do

[princealbertofb]

This is probably similar to so many problems on here, but i'll go with it anyway, even if it just provides a chance for me to get my ideas together!

So i'm out, very partially, as in one of my best mates knows, and some uni friends also know, but to a large proportion of my friends i'm still not out. I feel the time is right to tell them, in the sense i'm seeing someone who i'd like them to meet and feel like a bit of a fraud around them. However I have a predominently male group of friends, we're all into football, going down the pub, all typically "straight" things, and some of the conversations, particularly their views on gay guys have put me off.

I feel its a side of my life i'd like to share, but its not something that defines me and shouldn't (and wont) change me as a person, i'm just afraid they wont see it like that. I never have or ever will do fancy any of my mates, and am the type of person to keep my love life private, so it shouldn't change anything. I like things the way they are a lot, but I cant really keep up their presumption that i'm straight.

So do I tell them and ignore the risks, or just leave it for a while hoping they find out? Bloody brain, thinking over things too much

I guess it is a difficult situation to be in. It's a good thing that you've got someone who doesn't belong to the group as that makes things perfectly clear that you're not in love with any of your mates and pining... It's better that you should have that love private but, as you mentioned, it becomes difficult to have to lie or hide a part of your life that is important, even if it doesn't define you. What I think is important is maybe to make it quite clear that you don't fancy any of them and that you are sorted in that department. I just hope that the youth of today is a bit more accepting than it was in our youth, but reading recently in GT about coming out at school today, it doesn't sound as if it's any easier than it was for us. Talk about a conservative society! Well, when you do come out, it'll be time for your mates to learn a lesson, and possibly for you too, as it will undoubtedly sort the good friends from the bad ones (those who will support you, from those who will shy away from you or badmouth you).

Btw, what makes you think that your love interest would like to meet your friends? Has he mentioned it to you? Or is it just something at the back of your mind? Is he also interested in the same things as you and the lads' things?
BiPenny was quite right, in my opinion, to ask you to select a good friend to practise the coming out story with. And maybe that person can help you to reveal that aspect of things. But it ought to happen in YOUR time, not theirs.