Am I Ever Going To Get It Right?

[TwisttheLeaf]

I don't like this. I don't want to do this. I don't like being wrong. I don't like tearing my guts out twice a week and spreading the entrails out for examination. But what I do want, above and beyond all of this, is Adam.

I don't even know what this post is about, just that I'm uncertain and scared and confused. And I keep wondering if I'm ever going to be the man that I need to be, if I'm ever going to get it right...

I have a healthy hatred for my therapist. I'll be honest. I hate going to see her. I hated it back when I was going 3x a week. I hated it when I was going 2x a week. I hated it when I was going once a week... every 2weeks.... every 3 weeks. I hate it now even going once every other month.

This is normal.

And the fact is? Tho I hate it, it has helped.

No one likes to be wrong. No one likes to bare their vulnerabilities and bring them into the light to be examined by someone else and picked apart. It's frustrating and often can be painful emotionally and especially painful to ones pride.

But... we go to therapists to learn. To learn about ourselves. To learn about our partners. To learn coping skills, or better social skills, or empathy, or other life skills that are important to developing a better life and relationships. The experience teaches us.... and makes us stronger than we were before we started.

You're not alone, man. Hang in there.