12-18-2015, 04:06 PM
Hi all,
To start off, I'm early 20s and my boyfriend is late 20s.
My boyfriend and I are madly in love with each other and fully intend on spending our lives together. We recently moved to a new city together so I could attend school and he could start a new job in his career field. Before we moved here, we lived in different apartments. At the time, we would have sex maybe three or four times a week, which was fine - neither of us wanted the focus of the relationship at that point to be sexual, though he was made aware of my high sex drive early on and I was made aware of his (which he played off to be high but that he was good at controlling it) in which I told him ideally I'd have sex once a day but to be realistic we wouldn't be having it that much. He told me when we moved it'd be different and we would have sex more often.
Sure enough, we moved and the sex stopped. I've expressed to him a million times calmly that I need sex, I need physical intimacy, and I need to make love. His answer is always "I need romancing." I respect that, and since the beginning of our relationship have been providing him with everything he's asked for in that regard. And still, while his emotional needs are being met, my physical needs are not.
Last night we got into an argument about it. I tried talking to him again about how I feel like my needs aren't being taken care of - that I'm not asking for sex a million times a week, just every few days. I explained that it's more then just sex, but being in a relationship, we need that physical aspect. I want that physical aspect. I told him I'm far too young to be in a sexless relationship - that we can have a successful emotionally based relationship that comes with sex. His answer was "Well my needs aren't being met either." I got upset at this point because he yet again ignored my feelings in favour of his own. Instead of discussing how I feel, and what matters to me, he brushed it under the rug.
Later in the night he approached me and I told him that - that I feel like he doesn't care, that I've tried making him happy but he has yet to try and make me happy. That I don't feel attractive or wanted sexually. I told him the argument had nothing to do with the sex anymore - I was made to feel unappreciated and disregarded. We haven't talked since then.
I need some advice. Am I asking too much to want sex with my boyfriend? He claims it has nothing to do with his age (being 7 years older then me and not as sexual, whereas I'm still young and revving to go), he tells me all the time that I'm sexy... but I don't feel that way. I don't want to have sex with someone who doesn't want to have it with me, but I also don't want to lose him. What should I do? Any conversations I try to have with him about it end with him getting upset because he isn't a sex machine (which I don't ask of him.)
To start off, I'm early 20s and my boyfriend is late 20s.
My boyfriend and I are madly in love with each other and fully intend on spending our lives together. We recently moved to a new city together so I could attend school and he could start a new job in his career field. Before we moved here, we lived in different apartments. At the time, we would have sex maybe three or four times a week, which was fine - neither of us wanted the focus of the relationship at that point to be sexual, though he was made aware of my high sex drive early on and I was made aware of his (which he played off to be high but that he was good at controlling it) in which I told him ideally I'd have sex once a day but to be realistic we wouldn't be having it that much. He told me when we moved it'd be different and we would have sex more often.
Sure enough, we moved and the sex stopped. I've expressed to him a million times calmly that I need sex, I need physical intimacy, and I need to make love. His answer is always "I need romancing." I respect that, and since the beginning of our relationship have been providing him with everything he's asked for in that regard. And still, while his emotional needs are being met, my physical needs are not.
Last night we got into an argument about it. I tried talking to him again about how I feel like my needs aren't being taken care of - that I'm not asking for sex a million times a week, just every few days. I explained that it's more then just sex, but being in a relationship, we need that physical aspect. I want that physical aspect. I told him I'm far too young to be in a sexless relationship - that we can have a successful emotionally based relationship that comes with sex. His answer was "Well my needs aren't being met either." I got upset at this point because he yet again ignored my feelings in favour of his own. Instead of discussing how I feel, and what matters to me, he brushed it under the rug.
Later in the night he approached me and I told him that - that I feel like he doesn't care, that I've tried making him happy but he has yet to try and make me happy. That I don't feel attractive or wanted sexually. I told him the argument had nothing to do with the sex anymore - I was made to feel unappreciated and disregarded. We haven't talked since then.
I need some advice. Am I asking too much to want sex with my boyfriend? He claims it has nothing to do with his age (being 7 years older then me and not as sexual, whereas I'm still young and revving to go), he tells me all the time that I'm sexy... but I don't feel that way. I don't want to have sex with someone who doesn't want to have it with me, but I also don't want to lose him. What should I do? Any conversations I try to have with him about it end with him getting upset because he isn't a sex machine (which I don't ask of him.)
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