Online Dating

[Meerkat54]

There are no set rules. Learning the ropes is different for everyone. Good guidelines given above. Set realistic boundaries and expectations for the people you meet. That could mean, for instance, that you won't reveal anything that could be used against you until you meet someone in person and develop an in person relationship. Or not baring your ass or soul online. You have to do what's right for you. Protect your emotional and physical wellbeing.

I understand where you're coming from and I completely agree with you. Everything's different for everyone, so whilst I need to be somewhat in self-control of myself, other people are of course probably not gonna be the same.

I'm a logically-minded person - I don't do anything that I can't see any long-term benefit from, so I do make sure not to get dragged into 'swapping' or 'hooking-up' or anything like that. I'm not one of "those" guys and nor do I ever want to be, ultimately. I know I'm only 18 and there's still a lot of stuff for me to experience before I'll probably find that special someone, but either way I like to have my feet on the ground somewhere just so I'm in touch with the "other" world that we guys currently inhabit, and thus if there's an opportunity for something somewhere - even if it's a LGBT parade or something - then I'll look into it. I really want to get more into the LGBT world and spend some physical time (not that type of physical ;P) around other people like me so I can experience a bit more than just a secluded date with some random guy online/IRL.

But of course I am ultimately after something a lot more 'official' and 'real', that of course doesn't involve any one-time stuff. I mean no doubt I'm going to get screwed over one or more times with other guys, but my personal desires are fixed and appropriate.

I'm really not understanding what you mean by this "when we met in person everything sort of escalated rather quickly because we got most of the awkward stuff out of the way beforehand." What's wrong with getting the awkward stuff out of the way beforehand? I'm not following.

There's nothing wrong with getting the awkward stuff out of the way at all, but it was just the way in which it all unfolded. We hadn't dated or met in person for about a month or two, and were thus Skyping/chatting online for ages (partly because I wasn't able to physically go anywhere at the time). During that time you can obviously pick up that we learnt a lot about each other during that time that most other people would have otherwise found out through normal dates.
Getting to know the basics of each other (what we liked, what we did, where we lived) soon grew into late night phone-calls that pretty much had us talking about life and the universe - they were some serious conversations.
As a result when we met in person for the first time, it was at his house. At the time I thought it was alright since we'd already gotten to know each other so much, so in our own way we both trusted each other enough to meet him at his home. His parents had left for a few weeks on a trip so we had the house to ourselves, and obviously we both took this to our advantage so we decided that I would stay at his place for a few days.
The first night we started cuddling and, ultimately, making out. The following few nights we increased the intensity of our kissing sessions but we agreed to never go "all the way", so we just kept making out and jerked/blew each other off. (Dunno if it's too soon for me to be getting so detailed haha - if so, I apologize hahaha. The mods can just edit this down. Either way I've seen a lot of 'detailed' posts around the place so I guess it's ok haha)

Now don't get me wrong. It was an incredible experience just to be with someone else and I enjoyed every minute with him - in the end I didn't want to leave haha. We'd even made it official (privately, at the time) that we were boyfriends. But as the weeks went by I looked back and I was like "No, that just doesn't feel right to me.. That shouldn't have gone the way it did, let alone the fact that ultimately it wasn't what/how I wanted to do things, relationship-wise".
As I previously mentioned I was still trying to figure out a lot of personal things at the time, and me being with him was ultimately, I decided, an experiment/experience that did need to happen for those reasons. And it made me realize that I wasn't OK with it, and that wasn't how I wanted to play it out. I didn't say that to him directly when I broke up with him (dunno whether I should have or not), but I basically said there's too much going on in my life right now and I don't have time for boyfriends, so I didn't lie completely as I still sort of referenced that aspect. I knew that if I told him that I would have pissed him off tenfold (as you would imagine... can you imagine someone saying to you "Hey, those nights we spent together to realize that we now love each other? I really only did that to experiment with my life, sorry."), and he was still a generally nice guy so I would have accepted it if we remained friends, and we did. It took him a while to come around to the realization that it was over and I had moved on rather quickly, but he got there.

So that's the story of my first experience. Probably posted in the wrong thread so I'll put it in the "First Experiences" thread as well, but given the circumstances I believe I needed to explain it a bit more fully. But does that explain a majority of things?

As someone who hasn't dated in the current century, err, millennium, and may very well never date again, and has no idea how to date using "apps" or any of that stuff.... I have to ask:

What does "dating" MEAN to you? What's the point of "dating" anyone? Why do it?

Are you expecting me to literally answer that or for me to ask that question to myself? If the former, "dating" to me is a little more than just "meeting someone" - whether it's online or IRL. There needs to be some sort of meaning behind the date. We both need to like each other, of course, and thus have a good time in whatever activity we're doing. To be ourselves is also a strong element. We need to share some sort of connection whether it's as simple as us both liking each other enough to meet, or as elevated as holding each other's hands when we reach for the cheque. Or something.
The point of dating anyone, and why, is to me to distract the mind from everyday hassles, and have a bit of freedom/fun with said people you meet. After all, loved ones are there for you to talk to, so you could unload on your date (if you think it appropriate), or just have enough general fun so as to not worry about anything else.
Dating exists in this world for the same reasons that social events do. You get to be around other people, new or same, and enjoy yourself/"blend in" with the crowd and become lost in the moment. Like I said, it's a distraction, but in a good way.
If that makes any sense.

Don't assume that everyone you meet, online or IRL, has the same AGENDA you do when they use the word "dating". They very likely do not. But if you know what YOU mean by it, what YOU want to have happen (and not happen), that right there should be a pretty good guide as to what to do or not do, what to say and not.

That's pretty much as straightforward as it would ever get. Thank you for that.
Like I said to [MENTION=22879]kindy64[/MENTION] though, I know what it is that I'm after so I know how to control (at least personally) that aspect of dating, so I can get what it is I want.

Part of it for sure is finding them attractive but there's WAY more to it than that. One has to be READY to have that kind of relationship ... My point being that at age 18 the chances of finding someone your own age, or near it, who is also ready for a "R" relationship is very slim. You may think you're ready... but really? Are you?

100% agree. I've often tossed up, and quite frankly I'm still tossing up every now and then whether I am actually ready for a relationship of any kind - financially, emotionally and physically. Maybe not so much financially as that's a sort of derailing factor to a relationship, but ultimately I don't think I'll ever know if I'm ready or not until I actually take the steps that I want to take in getting one. The question of being "Ready" or not is a very complicated and diverse question, in most cases, and my view to that scenario is to just go for it. You never know what will happen and so you don't know if you'll enjoy it or not, or in this case, consider yourself "Ready". The only way to find out, respectively, is to just go for it, which I know can and cannot be a bad thing. But I guess, how else would you typically know?

There's NOTHING wrong with being a young person who is "dating"... going out with other people... to have fun, get to know them, find out more about yourself, what you like and don't like... becoming more of a full-grown adult. Nothing at all wrong with it. But it doesn't HAVE to be "dating". A "R" relationship can evolve out of meeting someone totally by chance. Or it can evolve out of just hooking up with someone. Or it could be someone you meet through school or work or some sport you like to participate in. WHO KNOWS?

Exactly. There's lots of things I ultimately want to do in life that'll give me a huge array of opportunities to meet new people. I've tried online dating before but if nothing good comes out of this current dating thing I'm on I guess I'll take that literally and just go about my life like so.
The only problem with that is, however, is that finding another openly gay guy in the big wide world isn't really that easy. Whereas on gay dating apps/social services there's a whole bunch of communities and people who are effectively just like you, which of course makes everything slightly more easier. I mean I could walk into the center of Melbourne and scream "I'M GAY!", and the odd 5% of people in the crowd around me who are also gay won't even acknowledge their own sexuality and come talking to me.
I mean the odds of that happening anyway are totally ludicrous, gut you get my point.

In having said that, however:

Keeping open to just meeting people, respecting them, getting to know them, letting them get to know you... to me that's all there is to it. THEN... if you meet someone you want to get to know better... THEN you can "date".

That is still an option. Whilst a more long-term solution (and by long-term I mean it will most likely take a long time for anything serious to come out of just meeting someone), it would have a lot of various benefits in other long-term situations. Either way, of course I'd need to discover if they're gay or not at all before I decide if it would be worth posing the 'question' to them. I mean that could result in all sorts of things, negative or positive, but it might not still benefit me.

Prior to that even calling what you're doing "dating" (to my mind) kind of puts one under pressure. OH... I have to do this right!

Well, no, actually you don't.

You're right. I should just be myself when talking to guys online. Initially in my first post I was mainly just after when would be the right times to say certain things/bring up certain topic, but either way that should all come naturally if I am of course myself.

But like I say, WTF do I know anyway?

Hahaha, very true. Not just for your sake, but for everyone's. Personally I think that the world of LGBT is still very mysterious, in its own ways, so what do any of us know?? :confused: