Presumably straight acquaintance... been chatting for months online. Need advice!

[cardini89]

Hey everyone. Thanks in advance for reading this, I really appreciate it!
I realize the title may remind you of similar posts, but please bare with me; I promise it will be brief and straight-to-the-point.

I met this guy a few years back when we were still in uni; he was looking for someone to tutor him in a challenging course and I was referred to him by a mutual friend. I
was instantly attracted to him (this rarely happens when I meet new guys) and we spent about an hour after the tutoring session discussing a bunch of different topics. Yet, I presumed he was straight, so did not make a move. I did add him on FB though. In the 3 years that followed, while we did not sustain any meaningful contact, he did always make sure to wish me a happy birthday, not on Fb but rather via Whatsapp (More personal?)... A few months ago, he got in touch with me and asked how I was doing. Since then, we have been chatting on Whatsapp for around 5 months (He is in Spain doing his Master's, I am in Jordan working; we are both Jordanian). It has evolved to the point where we say "gmorning", "gnight", etc.

He knows I'm gay, and yet sustains everyday conversations; when he feels we haven't texted for a while, he re-initiates by sending a website link, photo or just a plain "heyy".
When I probed about him relationship status, he mentioned never having dated (he's 24; i'm 28); only a few one-night stands with girls that were apparently not fulfilling. On the only 2 occasions where the subject was brought up, he described girls using negative terms.
Recently, I expressed to him that I find him attractive and sweet (cautiously managed to do it without appearing to be interested in him in that way); he was nervously flattered.
It's also worth noting that he often asks for my opinion on various matters, and is excited to find out commonalities between us. At one point, he also said that he always finds time for me.

He will be spending a couple of months in Jordan as of next week, and wants to see me.
To be honest, ALL my friends are straight; they are also outside the country and while we are extremely close (childhood friends) we merely talk on weekly basis, and our conversations are limited to trivial things, joking around and planning vacation reunions abroad. So I find it extremely odd that this guy carries out a daily conversation with me and has shared intimate details about his personal life despite not knowing me well in real life.

Your thoughts on the matter would really help me at this stage. What dyou think I should do?

thank you

[kindy64]

See him, be friends with him, go do stuff you can do together (safely)

Up to you if you want to try to take things further.

[jimcrackcorn]

It is evident that he genuinely likes you,, and wishes to continue the friendship... However,,, he may only like you as a friend and nothing else.

In order to see if he is interested in being more than just friends,,, you will have to be honest with him and tell him that you would like to pursue a deeper relationship with him. He is younger than you and may be waiting for you to make the first move.

Playing word games and hiding your true feelings will only confuse him and leave doubt about your real intentions.

If he is interested in having something more than a regular friendship with you, he will willingly tell you once you are honest with him about what you want.

Of course,, the downside of being completely honest with him may result in him backing away from the friendship that you already share. These things can happen, and it may hurt you to loose a friend, but in the long run,,, it will be better for both of you.

Sincerely,
Jim

[Pyromancer]

I think that [MENTION=11919]jimcrackcorn[/MENTION] gave you the best possible advice...I've seen so many people on here all tied up in knots and driving themselves nuts, wondering how someone else feels. And they'll never know unless they ask. We can spend all night speculating, and still get no closer to the answer.

It's always better to ask. Once you know the truth, you can either proceed or retreat...but at least you won't be spinning your wheels.

[cardini89]

Thanks everyone! Your feedback is much appreciated!
[MENTION=22879]kindy64[/MENTION]

yeah i guess being friends with him for now is the safest path, as I realize he must be either straight or maybe closeted (in the Arab world, this is pretty common because of the generally homophobic culture).
[MENTION=11919]jimcrackcorn[/MENTION]

Seems like some pretty good advice. Easier said than done, obviously because it's kind of terrifying to reveal that kind of interest / feelings without knowing the consequences (fear deriving from uncertainty). But I will summon the courage to do so eventually, I'm sure.
[MENTION=24520]Pyromancer[/MENTION]

You pretty much summed it up, I guess. Endless speculation is a nightmare, I can tell you!

I will make sure to update you guys here, in case someone else is in a similar situation he/she might benefit from knowing the outcome.

[cardini89]

Hey, I posted a reply a while ago, but it seems it did not go through!

Just wanted to say thank you; I think your advice is spot on; I will do my best to sustain this friendship (which could be JUST that), and will update you as soon as there are any developments!

[Camfer]

Hey, I posted a reply a while ago, but it seems it did not go through!

Just wanted to say thank you; I think your advice is spot on; I will do my best to sustain this friendship (which could be JUST that), and will update you as soon as there are any developments!

Yes, until you reach 50 posts, the forum randomly holds some but not all of your posts. You can get past this feature by going to the word games and posting anything at all there until you hit 50 posts. Then all your postings will be available for us to read.

[drobs]

I don't have anything to add other than what's been said but... Let us know how it turns out!!

[cardini89]

Hey guys,

here's an update for anyone interested!

During the last few days, I felt that he was a bit more distant than usual, so my intuition kicked in and I felt it was time to just tell him what was on my mind.

In summary, this is how it went:

- Told him I needed some time off to reflect because I had a lot on my mind, so i wouldn't be as chatty as I usually am.
- When he insisted on knowing what was wrong, I told him I had a crush on him.
- He took it really well, and was very supportive, indicating implicitly that he was straight but not all bothered or weirded out.
- He said i should take as much time as I needed, but that if I were to take a long time he would surely check up on me sooner.
- We had a nice, long "closure" chat (a couple of hours) which ended quite nicely.

Lessons Learned:

Never, ever make any assumptions or guesses about a guy's sexual orientation based on how nice he is to you or how intimate his relationship is with you. He just might be one of the super mature and friendly straight guys who are looking for an extra friend.

If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, first make sure that the guy is really considerate and sensitive before revealing your feelings. If not, it might end badly. In my case, I probably got lucky.

Don't over-analyze or overthink anything. If you have a crush on someone, it is much easier to ignore some signs and embrace others; your mind tricks you into doing this because it finds pleasure in the thought of being with that person.

Hope this will will benefit at least some guys here! Have a nice day!