Online Dating

[Meerkat54]

Ok, well, IDK why you felt that way.

...

OK, but why not? Of course I'm a total stranger. You don't owe me anything, let alone some kind of explanation or rationalization. I'm just not getting it. I get that is how you felt, how you daw it, but I don't understand it.

...

Ok, so, because you had a fling with a guy that didn't move toward becoming something more, there was something wrong with that?

To be honest, I was just really confused with everything at the time. I didn't know what to think or how to react to anything after what had happened, and as a result I didn't think I was ready for any form of relationship so I moved on.

I think, because it was my first experience, I was a little disappointed in myself. Now I know you're going to ask why but;

"I know what it is that I'm after..."

Which is?

The way I sort of envisioned a personal relationship was to meet someone, whether online or IRL, and gradually get to know them without rushing into anything. To have a 'natural', sort of 'pure' relationship. (Call me whatever you want... perfectionist, dreamer, the like.. that's just my desire haha) I mean we had both agreed to "let things run naturally", but I think we both knew what we both "wanted" and so we took it a little bit further than I had ultimately wanted it to. I mean of course, I was fine with it at the time, but like I said it just didn't feel right to me in the long run.

I can't give a straight answer as to why it didn't feel right, because I don't quite know how to explain it. All I know is that it just didn't feel right to me the more I thought about it, both mentally and emotionally. It wasn't what I ultimately wanted.

The best way to somewhat explain it was that it was my first ever experience with anyone, and I was 17 at the time. Let's just say I hadn't exactly seen myself in that sort of situation, which is what caught me off guard.

All I'm saying is this sounds perfectly "natural" to me. Almost ideal in a way. But it also seems like you're somehow uncomfortable with it, or the way you went about it, as if you should have done it differently. That's what I don't get. How could you have done it differently than you did? You did what young men do... you explore and learn about yourself and life. Good for you! LOL!! Nuts' wrong with that at all.

Whilst you are right, it may indeed sound perfectly natural/ideal, but in the end it conflicted with my personal desires for a relationship. I mean yes we got to chat to each other over texts/webcam so we did get to know quite a lot about each other, but there weren't any physical dates. I think that's what my problem was. All that buildup really did was to get us to trust each other in person - dates or otherwise. But considering we proceeded on with the latter, it felt more of a hookup to me. Not an actual long-term 'intimate' connection. I'd let my body jump in the way of my feelings/desires and jumped the gun into something rather serious, that to me should have unfolded naturally over the course of several weeks/months, and not be all done through online dating.

Again, call me a perfectionist or a dreamer or whatever. To have an ideal relationship like that is indeed the wish of a daydreamer, but still, that's what I want.

So, yeah, it isn't exactly a matter of being ready or not being ready. It's a matter of having the where-with-all to BE there with and for another human being who is simultaneously BEING there with you. And choosing to be come hell and high water. Mutually.

Fair point. It is definitely more about having the ability/potential to actually have a relationship, as there's much more to one than just being "ready" for it. You've got to meet their families, help them through their problems, etc. and vice versa. Hell, a relationship in itself is pretty much a job. You don't do it well you're gonna get fired. Literally.

That said, the point is, to me, it is meant to be "played" in. It's like cyber-romper-room for adults (and want-a-be adults). You learn about sex virtually. You get to know someone, possibly even jerk-off with them, without ever touching them, feeling the texture of their skin and hair, or smelling their breath or other body odors. You actually only know an IMAGE of the person... and this may be part of the problem here.

I think I do understand where you're coming from though. Because, as we mentioned, the world of LGBT is vastly mysterious, the only way we're really going to learn a lot about it is through various online interactions. It's not every day you come across a gay guy who decides to talk to you about life and the universe IRL, so doing that sort of stuff online can help one discover a bit more about it.

That said, you really only discover a bit more about yourself, in those circumstances. It's not like the world is actively trying to unlock the secrets to Adam and Eve. You come here yourself, personally, to find out more about it and/or yourself so that you in turn can contribute to places such as these, by talking about the experiences that you've had and the things you've discovered personally. Because let's face it, almost every fact that someone comes up with regarding LGBT is different in some way, and that's because they've discovered it for themself and were able to relate for it.
(I may just be talking out of my arse there, so redirect me if I'm boarding the loopy-train :p)

But, again, IDK... are we still talking about "dating"??

I think it's all related, really. I mean you come across online dating experiences just by looking for information, whether it's someone's reply to your post in which they think exactly the same and think you're twins or something, or just a random chat-plugin on the side of a page with the title "MEET LOCAL GUYS IN YOUR AREA".
But if we're derailing then we could move that topic elsewhere. Haha.

It just seems to me we all need to ease up a bit. Give ourselves and everyone else a break. It's ok to just hook up with someone. It's ok to have a 'fling' for a few weeks. It's ok to have a FWB. It's ok to meet someone we really enjoy being with and wanting to be with more. It's ok if SOME of the people we enjoy being with are men who are NOT gay. It's ok just to stop being so fucking up-tight and "in control" of everything we do.

Hahaha, I get your point. It's like there's too many 'rules' that are being applied to dating, or stories revolving around certain situations that you need to be aware of. Especially when they're publicized by social media, it's sort of a misleading interpretation of the dating world. "Oh this guy's a wife basher so we all need to be extra careful of what we do with our loved ones/people we meet". Not in the slightest. I mean obviously you don't want to be running in that guy's footsteps, but you don't need to feel intimidated by everything that happens on TV/the Internet. Just be yourself and do what you feel is right. And if you do something wrong then you'll learn from personal experience, not from a reporter behind a desk showcasing a 100 year anniversary of some random couple's relationship.