Capricorn
This quoting back and forth business is getting cumbersome, [MENTION=22213]Meerkat54[/MENTION], so I'm going to forego that.
First off, thanks for the reply and your sincerity.
Most of my not understanding has to do with me, not you. Keep that in mind. Part of it is growing up in a different culture and era. A large part of it is I started fooling around erotically with other boys near my age even before I was a teenager. It was weird because this was in a rural environment and TV had only recently come into our lives. So we knew nothing about "gay". Like that thread URL in my signature, I had no idea there even WERE other "gay" people. I knew there were cock sucking faggots because I was clearly one of them. What was doubly weird is how on one hand being a cock sucking faggot was something shameful that had to be kept hidden from everyone, especially adults. While, on the other hand, there were quite a few boys that I knew who liked doing it (both giving and receiving). So... it was a bizarre kind of disconnect between reality and pretense.
Obviously you've grown up in a completely different social environment. I don't know much about how you came to realize you were gay or homosexual, or what struggles you've gone through around that, self-acceptance, etc. I do get that this experience you're talking about was your first. But I also get that somehow or other it didn't feel right and you ended up feeling "a little disappointed in" yourself.
To me this can get rather philosophical. Let me explain what I mean. I have nothing else to do at the moment, LOL! Hopefully you won't think it long winded and boring.
One of the things I've learned through life is that none of us can predict the future, not in detail anyway. Yes, we can predict the sun will come up tomorrow. We can predict a lot of what will happen during that day. We'll get out of bed. We'll do our morning routine. We'll go to work or school or hang out. We'll have lunch and dinner. We'll talk to people.... etc. All this is more or less "predictable".
BUT what is not predictable is the fine detail that makes these generalities SPECIFIC events. I can't say exactly what will happen, only what I generally assume will happen based on past experience. I can even plan out a lot of details -- I'm going to meet a friend at a set time, at a set location, and we're going to have a meal and then we're going to a movie. I even know what movie we're going to see. All well and good. But still, the DETAILS of all that are unknown UNTIL they actually occur. That is, until we become aware of them. [This is inline with Schrödinger's cat if you know anything about that hypothetical beast.]
I mention all this because it's a kind of conundrum. On one hand, we all need to be "in control" of our lives; or at least feel as though we are to some extent. But the reality is that none of us actually ARE in control, or, at least, not as much as we may think.
As someone who has lived on the planet for almost 70 years now, I've grown rather comfortable with NOT knowing, not even TRYING to predict, exactly what's going to happen next. In fact, I rather enjoy not knowing. It keeps life interesting. Although right now I'm writing and trying to say something that hopefully makes sense, the truth is I have no idea whether or not it will make sense to you or anyone else, and I don't know exactly which words are going to spill out of my fingers next. I'm just "going with the flow" of it.
That's the way I like to live my life as much as possible. "Going with the flow" of it. I *could* (for example) put a lot of energy into *making something happen*. Something I *want* to have happen. Like sex. I haven't had real sex in so long I've almost forgotten what it's like. I sometimes joke that I've become a virgin all over again. Sex is fun! It's enjoyable. BUT... making it happen... can be rather tedious. It depends on a lot of different things. For me, anyway, although I have had a lot of sex in my life, I've never been overly promiscuous. Not at all into random hookups or anonymous sex. I like to know who I'm with and at least like them a little bit! And at my age I just don't have the patience I did a long time ago to, you know, put my best foot forward, trying to LOOK attractive, attention worthy and all that. To me it just seems like too much work! If it happens it happens. If not, NBD.
Going with the flow of it.
IDK, I guess young men today feel they can't just do that. They feel they have to "do it right". Whatever that may mean. And I can understand... better to "do it right" than to "do it wrong" I guess.
But as [MENTION=20933]LJay[/MENTION] has suggested, perhaps what's needed (in your case -- this isn't true for everyone) is to loosen up, 'more action, less analysis.'
You wrote:
[quote]...Just be yourself and do what you feel is right. And if you do something wrong then you'll learn from personal experience...[/qoute]
Yeah, pretty much. I'd advise not being afraid to take a few risks. Within reason, understand. I'm not advocating throwing all caution to the wind. But if we alway stay "safe" then, well, how can we ever grow and fully discover the unknown (in ourselves or the world)?
First off, thanks for the reply and your sincerity.
Most of my not understanding has to do with me, not you. Keep that in mind. Part of it is growing up in a different culture and era. A large part of it is I started fooling around erotically with other boys near my age even before I was a teenager. It was weird because this was in a rural environment and TV had only recently come into our lives. So we knew nothing about "gay". Like that thread URL in my signature, I had no idea there even WERE other "gay" people. I knew there were cock sucking faggots because I was clearly one of them. What was doubly weird is how on one hand being a cock sucking faggot was something shameful that had to be kept hidden from everyone, especially adults. While, on the other hand, there were quite a few boys that I knew who liked doing it (both giving and receiving). So... it was a bizarre kind of disconnect between reality and pretense.
Obviously you've grown up in a completely different social environment. I don't know much about how you came to realize you were gay or homosexual, or what struggles you've gone through around that, self-acceptance, etc. I do get that this experience you're talking about was your first. But I also get that somehow or other it didn't feel right and you ended up feeling "a little disappointed in" yourself.
To me this can get rather philosophical. Let me explain what I mean. I have nothing else to do at the moment, LOL! Hopefully you won't think it long winded and boring.
One of the things I've learned through life is that none of us can predict the future, not in detail anyway. Yes, we can predict the sun will come up tomorrow. We can predict a lot of what will happen during that day. We'll get out of bed. We'll do our morning routine. We'll go to work or school or hang out. We'll have lunch and dinner. We'll talk to people.... etc. All this is more or less "predictable".
BUT what is not predictable is the fine detail that makes these generalities SPECIFIC events. I can't say exactly what will happen, only what I generally assume will happen based on past experience. I can even plan out a lot of details -- I'm going to meet a friend at a set time, at a set location, and we're going to have a meal and then we're going to a movie. I even know what movie we're going to see. All well and good. But still, the DETAILS of all that are unknown UNTIL they actually occur. That is, until we become aware of them. [This is inline with Schrödinger's cat if you know anything about that hypothetical beast.]
I mention all this because it's a kind of conundrum. On one hand, we all need to be "in control" of our lives; or at least feel as though we are to some extent. But the reality is that none of us actually ARE in control, or, at least, not as much as we may think.
As someone who has lived on the planet for almost 70 years now, I've grown rather comfortable with NOT knowing, not even TRYING to predict, exactly what's going to happen next. In fact, I rather enjoy not knowing. It keeps life interesting. Although right now I'm writing and trying to say something that hopefully makes sense, the truth is I have no idea whether or not it will make sense to you or anyone else, and I don't know exactly which words are going to spill out of my fingers next. I'm just "going with the flow" of it.
That's the way I like to live my life as much as possible. "Going with the flow" of it. I *could* (for example) put a lot of energy into *making something happen*. Something I *want* to have happen. Like sex. I haven't had real sex in so long I've almost forgotten what it's like. I sometimes joke that I've become a virgin all over again. Sex is fun! It's enjoyable. BUT... making it happen... can be rather tedious. It depends on a lot of different things. For me, anyway, although I have had a lot of sex in my life, I've never been overly promiscuous. Not at all into random hookups or anonymous sex. I like to know who I'm with and at least like them a little bit! And at my age I just don't have the patience I did a long time ago to, you know, put my best foot forward, trying to LOOK attractive, attention worthy and all that. To me it just seems like too much work! If it happens it happens. If not, NBD.
Going with the flow of it.
IDK, I guess young men today feel they can't just do that. They feel they have to "do it right". Whatever that may mean. And I can understand... better to "do it right" than to "do it wrong" I guess.
But as [MENTION=20933]LJay[/MENTION] has suggested, perhaps what's needed (in your case -- this isn't true for everyone) is to loosen up, 'more action, less analysis.'
You wrote:
Quote:...You come here yourself, personally, to find out more about it and/or yourself so that you in turn can contribute to places such as these, by talking about the experiences that you've had and the things you've discovered personally. Because let's face it, almost every fact that someone comes up with regarding LGBT is different in some way, and that's because they've discovered it for themself and were able to relate for it.No, I don't think you are talking out of your ass... You're expressing how you understand all this -- and yourself -- so far.
(I may just be talking out of my arse there, so redirect me if I'm boarding the loopy-train )
[quote]...Just be yourself and do what you feel is right. And if you do something wrong then you'll learn from personal experience...[/qoute]
Yeah, pretty much. I'd advise not being afraid to take a few risks. Within reason, understand. I'm not advocating throwing all caution to the wind. But if we alway stay "safe" then, well, how can we ever grow and fully discover the unknown (in ourselves or the world)?
.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
