03-29-2016, 02:36 AM
Hi,
I haven't been on as much lately as I would have liked to be (personal/business issues have kept me busy) and I don't personally know you, so I was reluctant to reply to your post...but it kept coming back to the forefront of my conscious, so I will do my best...
To start, I would like to say that you can't ~really~ "help" a rape survivor. Infact, I would even argue that just because someone still breathing, that doesn't necessarily make them a "survivor" of rape---wether the person is a "rape survivor" or not is more determinant on how they cope with the violation over the course of years, because someone who seems to be doing well today with a rape that happened last week (last month, last year, last 10 years, ect...) may very well commit self-harm tomorrow.
Also, it should be obvious that every person is different and deals with trauma differently. Where as one person may be emotionally shattered for life, another may put it behind them like flipping a page on a book.
Essentially, what I am trying to get at is this: the BEST thing you can do for your boyfriend is to encourage him to seek out professional help. You mentioned that he is seeing a therapist, but from what you are saying he really needs to be getting help for his drinking problem.
I realize that, when you have strong feelings for someone, you want to do everything in your power to help them. However, helping and enabling can be two sides of the same coin.
There are questions I would like to ask you, and other things I might like to say, but I am not sure doing so publicly would be in your best interest. In all honestly, some of the things I feel compelled to say may not be taken well by you, so I am giving you an out by putting the ball in your court as to wether or not you wish to discuss them.
If you would like to discuss this privately, please feel free to send me a pm.
Best of luck,
~Beaux
I haven't been on as much lately as I would have liked to be (personal/business issues have kept me busy) and I don't personally know you, so I was reluctant to reply to your post...but it kept coming back to the forefront of my conscious, so I will do my best...
To start, I would like to say that you can't ~really~ "help" a rape survivor. Infact, I would even argue that just because someone still breathing, that doesn't necessarily make them a "survivor" of rape---wether the person is a "rape survivor" or not is more determinant on how they cope with the violation over the course of years, because someone who seems to be doing well today with a rape that happened last week (last month, last year, last 10 years, ect...) may very well commit self-harm tomorrow.
Also, it should be obvious that every person is different and deals with trauma differently. Where as one person may be emotionally shattered for life, another may put it behind them like flipping a page on a book.
Essentially, what I am trying to get at is this: the BEST thing you can do for your boyfriend is to encourage him to seek out professional help. You mentioned that he is seeing a therapist, but from what you are saying he really needs to be getting help for his drinking problem.
I realize that, when you have strong feelings for someone, you want to do everything in your power to help them. However, helping and enabling can be two sides of the same coin.
There are questions I would like to ask you, and other things I might like to say, but I am not sure doing so publicly would be in your best interest. In all honestly, some of the things I feel compelled to say may not be taken well by you, so I am giving you an out by putting the ball in your court as to wether or not you wish to discuss them.
If you would like to discuss this privately, please feel free to send me a pm.
Best of luck,
~Beaux
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