Sexuality and Settling Down

[InbetweenDreams]

[MENTION=1766]princealbertofb[/MENTION] I probably am as I usually do, but to sum things up I just feel like I ought to be way ahead of where I am at in life. I mean 30 and living at home and having racked up a bunch of debt because I want to buy this or get into a hobby or whatever just is silly. I mean I think it was a good thing to have gotten into biking and backpacking and so on but it costs money. Last night I did a group bike ride on a new bike and one of the first things someoned asked me was when I was going to get clip in pedals... Well the thing is to get pedals and the shoes is going to cost a few hundred bucks, plus I don't know that I have the necessary tools to do it myself so then I have to pay for that... Hobbies are fun but it seems I have spent myself into oblivion getting into new things. Not a good place to be at 30, but things could always be worse.

The way to go about meeting people is generally to put yourself out there. Maybe you could try an online dating site, if you feel comfortable with that, then you can start the whole dating process. If not a dating site, joining a group of like-minded people over a hobby can be a good idea to make acquaintances. Join a car rallye group, or a flower arrangement group, or a dance class or a cookery club... (you name it).

Well thats just the thing, most people in the area are considerably older...No not saying I have a problem with older people just not what I'm wanting. I don't have the expection of someone having to be 30. I have seen guys who are 21 and have on their profile "no one over 22!" and my thoughts are good luck. There isn't much of a young crowd here. I'm in a very rural part of NC and the south isn't exactly the most liberal of people when it comes to gay people. I mean there's still plenty of people with the mindset of what was socially acceptable like women belong at home and in the kitchen making me dinner and so on.

I've joined a few groups, but again most are much older folks, I'm again, the youngest person in the cycling group and ham radio -- well that one was to be expected. There is a computer group, I know about them and again...older folks. When I say older we're talking senior citizens....55+. Again, nothing wrong with older folks but not what I'm looking for to settle down or sexually for that matter.

The thing is I don't know of a good gay dating app where the guys on there are actually wanting to date with the goal of actually having a relationship. I get plenty of guys soliciting sex or wanting to trade pictures and all that crap. Grindr, for instance, and everyone knows that it is a terrible app to use for purposes other than finding sex. Every gay dating app is the same way...what do gay women do about this? I don't see any gay dating apps where there are more women than men using them, seems to be something about that.

I wish at times that I did live in a more populated area so that there were gay bars or pride or something... Speaking of pride...I did start a thread a while back about pride because I have never been to one. There is a town about 2 hours away that will be having one this fall and thought about possibly going...probably alone but not really a choice there. I don't know if something like that would be good for me, but I don't know what they're really all about...Other than a congregation of gay people with rainbow flags and body pain I don't know what else there is to do there. I'd honestly rather go with someone rather than go alone, not as a date just have a friend who also wanted to go...I'm afraid I'll clam up and end up leaving disappointed.

There are girls out there who probably would like to settle and who would love to have a man who is experienced in some way, who has some of the qualities that gays are known for and who is ready to commit. So probably the thing you'd have to deal with the most would be commitment.

There might be a few but I feel it is slim pickings out here. I would probably have to move to a more liberal area...and probably do anyway. Lot of jesus freaks and girls who try to make a point that they like getting in mud...I mean that in all seriousness. I don't know how many girls make a point that they like riding on 4-wheelers...Great, that's wonderful. Any other intellectual qualities?

Are you telling us that you think you are ready to commit?

Yeah I'm pretty much want to find the right person and settle down. Been trying that for a while. I get that it doesn't happen overnight and chances are there will be more failed attempts. I just can't find anyone, of quality, who wants to settle down. I don't want to lower my standards. I mean there'a a lot of nice guys who would probably be loyal and all but I'm not going to date someone who's 350 lbs, it's just not going to happen. Then I get called shallow for not dating someone I do not find attractive.

That's the whole problem, why would anyone go for something they don't want. I mean might as well not even be gay if you're not, why would it even matter. That's the attitude I get from guys online, they expect you to bend over backwards and make the compromise. It all has to be mutual. Now I have met plenty of attractive guys who are absolute jerks, which in turn make them unattractive. I don't care how sexy a guy is, be a dick to me and I will never look at you the same way.

No family pressures to start a family. While my parents are supportive of whatever I do, they probably deep down would much rather me not be gay. For the most part it has been something I have been thinking about on my own and just tired of the same old thing and being lonely and disappointed in the pond that is around here.

You'll also have to think hard about whether you think you would miss the gay sex (or relationships). It would be honourable to tell your future girlfriend / wife / female partner or companion about your past, so that she can fully understand what makes you tick, or what has made you tick. Probably, by discussing it with her, things will fall into place better and you'll both be able to see if this relationship is what will work for you. As for children, well, it should be a pretty simple affair, if you're both ready for them.

I don't think I will stop being attracted to guys. Which is concerning because I don't know for sure that what I think I want is what I really want. It is kind of like getting asked what you want to be when you grow up when you're a kid. You might say I want to be a fireman or whatever, but you have no clue what being a fireman is all about. Basically what I'm saying is that this is all uncharted territory for me. I haven't even had sex with a woman for that matter...although I have come close and then all my "friends" were telling me that I was gay and all that while I was struggling with all that at the time. Fun times.

I don't think I would want to hide anything from my partner. One thing for sure is that I'm not good at hiding things, so it is to my benefit that I've never been one to cheat on anyone.