Sexuality and Settling Down

[Cobalt]

I don't know if my input at this point is really necessary but I guess I'll chime in.
Sexuality is really complicated, I've gone from "straight", "to" bi, to gay, to thinking maybe I was really bi, then reaffirming my gay-ness. If I absolutely positively needed to have sex with a woman (why a situation like that would arise I have no idea, but I'm talking hypothetical here) I could maybe do it, I think. But I don't want to, nor do I want a relationship with a woman.

When I was going through my "am I really gay?" phase what got me out of it was stop thinking purely in terms of sex. I thought more about everything else a relationship is. I thought about coming home to someone/having them come to me, sitting down to dinner with someone, cuddling up in bed or on the couch with someone, talking about my deepest fears to, sharing my happiest moments with, etc. etc. I realized I wanted all of those things to be with a man, never a woman. I'm not saying I hate woman, quite the opposite really! I adore woman, I find it so much easier to get along with them or get to know them then I do a man. However, I couldn't see myself doing all those relationship-type things with a woman. It wasn't what came to mind when I thought about a relationship.

I think THAT is the difference between bisexual or gay/straight. It's not about sex. I think just about everyone could sleep with either gender. It's what you want, and what gender you want it with, in a relationship that determines your sexuality. If you could see yourself doing all those little relationshipy things with a man OR a woman then in my opinion, there's a good chance your bi.

How to meet people is a whole different ballgame...online dating works, I can attest to that. I never intended moving out of Massachusetts ever but, a guy I met on a dating site was from Texas and well, here I am now. Of course my situation was a special one, not saying you'd have the same experience. I'm just advocating for online dating. There's a whole different set of rules for online dating than there is for in-person dating but I'm sure you already know those (safety and all that). It doesn't hurt to be open an honest. If you're still figuring out your sexuality, tell a potential partner that. Especially if you're just doing casual meetups/dating then it shouldn't hurt things to tell them that. If they're just wanting to be friends with you to start with it shouldn't change anything. If they know that and still continue to show interest in you on a romantic level, then you know it's obviously not a problem.

I'm drawing a blank for what else I wanted to say, I read your first post much earlier in the day and forgot some of what I wanted to say but, hopefully I've been some help.