Sexuality and Settling Down

[InbetweenDreams]

Aw, you're so not gay.

Well I don't know that its that I'm gay or not gay. I feel uncertain about a gay relationship. I know everything will work when I find the right person.

The dilemma I'm is that I've not become totally comfortable with sex with a guy...Yeah I have done it, numerous times but I have hangups that make me feel uneasy about the whole thing. Then again I haven't had sex with a woman, so I have no idea how I might feel about that.

I think the other problem is that I'm putting sex on a pedestal and shouldn't. Relationships and all that don't revolve solely around sex and I think a lot of people have some kind of hangup but it would seem that being gay there are more and more hangups.

There are so many M-F hookup sites you can scour. I know even someone like you can do it. Just try. No one's taking score.

Go have a hookup? Yeah I could have a hookup, probably before the end of the week, but that's not what I want to do and I have done hookups, or rather went on dates that ended up being hookups. They're almost always awkward and because no one has given any expectations as to what they want someone assumes you you're a top, bottom or want to XY&Z and rarely is the case. The other thing is of the guys who are wanting hookups I don't know that I want to hookup with 90% of these guys, a lot of guys are spreading STI's and I would prefer to not to take the risk of getting one. I may need to take risks but that's not one of them.

I would be interested in an actual dating app that doesn't want to charge money...

All in all I want to try to find someone who I can settle down with and have a family. I'm unclear whether that someone will be a guy or girl. I think it would be harder to adopt, even if they've passed laws. I also think it is more likely that a gay couple not stay together, I think guys are more likely to be unfaithful. However my perspective might not be objective, as there are plenty of straight couples who don't stick together.

I frankly have no damn clue and I'm unsure about everything, which is the whole point. Surely someone else has been in some similar situation with themselves. This isn't some kind of issue with being ashamed of myself, but there will always be this social stigma with being gay.