I don't know if he loves me...

[Borg69]

And I know I deserve better, I just don't know why I want him. But then I know he will never treat me like I want to be treated, unless it's for a short time to keep me here...

You want him because being alone scares you more than dealing with fantasies of him changing for you. It isn't really him you want, it's the fantasy of a relationship he represents.