How to deal with fear of loosing your loved one ??

[Sevendust324]

So I have kind of accepted one of my main issues in relationships is I have a fear of my boyfriend leaving me. This fear makes me want to run the other way. I hate it. I fear he might find someone else or just leave me one day. I don't talk about these fears. But I would be heartbroken if he did. It has been 6 months and we are going strong other then some issues we talked though. But I legit have this fear when he is not around and I am not sure how to deal with it? Should I talk to him? Is it normal to have these fears of abandonment?

Hey Jonathan,

I just wanted to start off by saying I totally understand what you are feeling. I had a relationship for 4 years that ended, and recently just started another one about 4 weeks ago. That being said, my biggest issue during these relationships was the fact that I always worried about my partner finding someone else. Everything was swell when we were around each other, but when we had to spend time away I would just constantly fear that he would find someone better than me. It's so overwhelming sometimes and I think it's completely normal for some people just to have these emotions.

After my 4 year relationship, I realized myself that my feelings stemmed from my own insecurities. I didn't really value myself when I wasn't around my significant other, and that is a big problem if you are trying to make a relationship work. These are the 3 things I am practicing now in my new relationship to help me not get back to how bad I got in my last relationship:

1. Take care of you...meaning: eat healthy, work out, go to school, work on YOU.
2. Find a support system away from your partner. I found that just venting to my close friends about how I'm feeling made a lot of it go away.
3. If you can, find a way to communicate your feelings with your partner. I told my partner recently about feeling this way, but I'm working on it. Try not to make it a trust issue, I honestly think this feeling stems from insecurity in some fashion and once you tackle that you will be able to overcome.

Anyway, if you want to send me a private message...we can chat more. I think just talking about it to someone that understand is a huge step in letting go and trusting your partner.

Hope this helps.