Im not sure if its ok to get a girlfriend

[meridannight]

I live in the deep south, I was in the Army and Im a combat veteran of Iraq and so are most of my friends and its a very macho environment, Im an avid shooter and gun collector, Im a practicing Catholic, I drive an old truck, and Im a dyed in the wool republican. Basically all signs point to straight. I think people have this image of me that is definitely not gay.

Different people have a slightly different understanding of what gay means. To some, it's not just who you desire sexually, it's a whole personality, taste, and behavior. It is not a true perception, because being gay means that a man likes other men, and the rest can go whichever way as for any other random man in the population.

Being gay does not mean a man has a certain personality, walks a certain way, talks a certain way, and likes some certain things. It's unfortunate people still cling to such idiotic preconceptions. The fact that they do, however, does not change who you are, and you shouldn't let that get to you so much.

Can't say that I get it, though. I've known about myself since day one, been happy that I like men from day one, and could never care for other people's opinion much less let it influence my actions. But my point is, you can be who you are and live a genuine life without lies like a pretend girlfriend. A man your age does not have to be in a relationship. In fact, many guys your age enjoy bachelorhood. So your friends think it's weird you don't have a girlfriend? They can mind their own business, and you're within right to tell them so. Since when do you need their approval and permission on how to conduct your life? Maybe it's not so much the fact that you don't have a girlfriend, but the fact that your friends don't see you hooking up with (i.e. banging) chicks? That's problematic on its own, if your friends are the types to publicly discuss and brag. But even so, you don't have to start lying about it. You can tell them you're not interested or you're dealing with other things, and that should be enough. If they try to push something on you beyond that, I gotta tell you, you're not in a good company to begin with, homophobia aside.

I plan on moving in 8 or so months, out to Arizona in the white mountains. My dream is to build a little adobe hut and spending the rest of my life shooting with nobody to bother me, I figure on being alone.

You think that now. After a while, after having spent years alone, it starts to grind on a man. And there will be no-one else to fill that void but another man. You can't do it without becoming hopelessly lost and miserable. It's not worth it.

I may not be that far along in life, but when I was in my 20s I also thought I'd be alone and wouldn't need anybody in my life (for entirely different reasons, but the point is the same). It hit me in late 20s and now in my early 30s just how much I want and need to be with other men. There is a learning curve, so to say, to this, I've found out. When you're young you think one thing, and as you get more experience you learn to prove your younger self wrong.


I hope you can figure something out. And yeah, if you need to talk, I'll listen, though my experience and approach may be different.