Im not sure if its ok to get a girlfriend

[MikeW]

...Isnt it possible that I could meet a woman and we could share that same kind of love. We all do things for the people we love that we dont like doing and I think I could be monogamous. I wouldnt ask her to tell me everything about her past I think everyone should be allowed to have some secrets. As long as I treat her good and do my best to love her from the time I meet her. I dont want to make some poor girl into a victim. ...

I think you need to stop asking us what you ought to do and start deciding what you WANT to do and then doing it. Preferably without hurting either yourself or anyone else in the process.

Is it possible to fall in love with a woman? Absolutely. I was in a 10-year relationship with a woman. We met in our mid-20s. Fell in love. Lived together all that time. Never married or had children. We're still best friends. At this point, we're more like brother and sister.

The difference here is that I *knew* I was gay. Not even bisexual. Falling for a woman was a total surprise to me. The other big difference is I didn't hesitate to tell her my truth. She accepted it. During the time we were together I was monogamous with her. Nevertheless, it was (obviously) an unconventional relationship. In the end, I made the first move toward "redefining" our relationship because I wasn't getting all my sexual needs met. Neither was she, for that matter. It wasn't easy, but we slowly re-arranged our lives and, since then, I've been in two gay LTRs.

So, yeah, anything is *possible*.

As for having secrets in one's past... frankly, I don't believe that's a good way to build a loving, trusting relationship. There are a lot of different aspects to this. One is that quite often the truth comes out and if we've kept that truth secret it can lead to unnecessary drama. But there's more to it than that. Who I am is the sum total of all the decisions I've made throughout my life. Withholding important information from someone with whom I'm trying to build a loving, trusting relationship not only betrays that trust but sets the stage for future dishonesty.

In any case. I think you need to really decide what you want. If what you want is to have a sexual life with men and a loving wife and family... you need to figure out how to make that happen. It is NOT impossible. Obviously, one way to do it is on the down-low. Lots of married men do just that. However, I personally don't believe that's a very healthy (not to mention ethical) way to live. Such dishonesty can seriously harm your family and yourself. It would be far better to find a woman with whom you can negotiate some sort of arrangement regarding your sexual needs. This is not impossible but it would have to be approached from the POV of two mature adults who *communicate* openly and honestly with one another and are capable of accepting one another's true feelings.