Im not sure if its ok to get a girlfriend

[meridannight]

I like the idea of having a wife and a little house and children and I could go to work my wife could take care of my house. Around the holidays we could do stupid stuff like all families do such as taking your children to the pumpkin patch. And people would say what a beautiful couple we make. Its normal, its acceptable, and its what people expect. Haven't any of you guys ever wanted that?

And the reason you can't have that with a man is...?

I don't want exactly that (e.g. I don't want any kids). But I want to make a life with a man, to care about him and to be there for him. I want to go on vacations with him, to the beach, take him to Paris, etc, all the silly stuff included. Get a house of our own, maybe a dog. I don't really need much more than that.

The problem with you is that you want to be acceptable to other people. I don't get that, I told you way back somewhere on this thread. But fine, that's what you want. Don't you understand though, that the only way it's a real acceptance is if people know the real you? You can be attracted to men, marry another man, and still be a respectable citizen. Why are you not seeing that?

I have alot of other issues too. I have a violent streak and a bad temper, I dont like being touched in public. I dont even know how to cry, not since I was real little. I dont even talk about my feelings, Ive written stuff here that I would never talk about with anybody.

It is a good thing that you started to talk about this stuff. Now you just have to keep on working on it and talking about it. Ideally you need to find someone in real life you can talk to, someone who can be there for you. And change won't happen overnight. But it will get better as time goes by.

Those things -- being touched in public, intimacy, feelings, etc -- that is all part of the normal spectrum of human emotion/experience. And you are missing out on life by not allowing yourself those things. Human touch is one of the best things in life there is. I don't know what it is that made you so broken, but you have to start working toward getting better to live a more fuller and enjoyable life.

Social acceptance alone is not going to bring you fulfillment in life. It's a placebo not a cure. Underneath the surface you'll still be as broken and fucked up as you are right now. I can't force you to understand this. But I hope one day it clicks and you realize it before it's too late.

All Im saying is that my orientation may be the least of my issues, and if I had somebody like a girlfriend just to talk to about some of this stuff I'd feel alot better, that to me would be more fulfilling than any man that Ive ever known.

You need a friend or a companion to talk to about all this stuff, that much is clear. But you are confusing it that your current need for an emotional exchange with another person is something that can only be found in a romantic relationship. And you are rushing to the wrong conclusion in your hurry to make your life better. You do need to make your life better, but the way you're telling us you want to do it, is not going to help you in the long run.

And this is the last thing about this, in many places homosexuality is still seen as a weakness and I hate more than anything else to be seen as weak or soft that why I dont let people hug me in public it makes me look soft. I spent my childhood getting into fist fights with everybody just so they would think I was a tough kid, I dont want to throw all that away know. You know gays are tough and so do I, alot of ancient warriors were gay we know this. But alot of people still see just see a weak faggot, its a shame but it is what it is.

A lot of people will think you're weak if you don't drive an SUV, a muscle car, don't dress in a certain way, go see a certain movie...etc etc. Do you understand that you are letting other people's petty prejudice dictate your life choices? How can you be okay with that as a man? Especially since you understand being gay does not equal being weak?

It is weakness what you are doing -- you are caving in to the external pressure of the most negative people that are out there. Strong would be to stand on your own the way you are. Not having the guts to stand up to other people and say, this is who I am, take it or leave it (or your version of it), that is the true weakness in life. And no-one will respect you for it, including those bigots whose acceptance you so much crave.

All those men in history and not so distant past who didn't have the backing of the law or the civil rights, who still stayed true to themselves and lived their life according to what felt right for them, others be damned -- that was the true courage. You have it so much easier than them.