11-21-2016, 01:58 AM
meridannight
Of course Im afraid, very afraid. If opened up myself right now Im sure where it would stop and it scares me. I want to have a wife and children. Why couldnt I have a husband and children?
When I was a kid from about age 6 or 7 till I graduated highschool, I got the shit beat out of me once or twice a week. They picked on me because I was smaller than they were that's it, all I ever did to piss them off was being small. They beat me up because they could. But Im not a pussy and I never took a beating lying down I always fought back but it was useless, no matter how hard I fought its difficult to fight 2 or 3 guys that are bigger than you. I won a few fights here and there but my childhood was fucking miserable. I mentioned before that I got into alot of fights and now Im a very violent and mean person, this is probably why. The only thing that kept me going was my dream of joining the army, when I graduated highschool I couldnt leave fast enough. Following a childhood dream saved may have saved my life and it was in the army where I made my first real friends.
What if me and my husband had a son, I couldnt imagine the hell it would be for a little boy with 2 daddys to go to a school where the kids are cruel, and children can be very cruel. I wouldnt want to give a child a harder time at going through life. I know what its like, I thought about suicide often and I was so beaten down that I was too scared to trust the nice kids. I couldnt subject a child to that type of ridicule not everyone is accepting and words do hurt especially children. What if they did to him what they did to me?
Im not trying to sound ungrateful I really do appreciate your advice, over the past few days you guys have given me some serious gut checks and it forced me to explain myself and admit alot of things Ive never admitted before and I feel better. I am scared of being gay, it scares me I dont even know any other gay people personally, except the men Ive been with but we never talked about this stuff its all new to me. Unfortunately Im starting to see just how fucked I am and how Im not really capable of the full range of emotions yet.
Just curious what stopped you from becoming a soldier, it was your dream? You'd meet alot of nice guys too.
Of course Im afraid, very afraid. If opened up myself right now Im sure where it would stop and it scares me. I want to have a wife and children. Why couldnt I have a husband and children?
When I was a kid from about age 6 or 7 till I graduated highschool, I got the shit beat out of me once or twice a week. They picked on me because I was smaller than they were that's it, all I ever did to piss them off was being small. They beat me up because they could. But Im not a pussy and I never took a beating lying down I always fought back but it was useless, no matter how hard I fought its difficult to fight 2 or 3 guys that are bigger than you. I won a few fights here and there but my childhood was fucking miserable. I mentioned before that I got into alot of fights and now Im a very violent and mean person, this is probably why. The only thing that kept me going was my dream of joining the army, when I graduated highschool I couldnt leave fast enough. Following a childhood dream saved may have saved my life and it was in the army where I made my first real friends.
What if me and my husband had a son, I couldnt imagine the hell it would be for a little boy with 2 daddys to go to a school where the kids are cruel, and children can be very cruel. I wouldnt want to give a child a harder time at going through life. I know what its like, I thought about suicide often and I was so beaten down that I was too scared to trust the nice kids. I couldnt subject a child to that type of ridicule not everyone is accepting and words do hurt especially children. What if they did to him what they did to me?
Im not trying to sound ungrateful I really do appreciate your advice, over the past few days you guys have given me some serious gut checks and it forced me to explain myself and admit alot of things Ive never admitted before and I feel better. I am scared of being gay, it scares me I dont even know any other gay people personally, except the men Ive been with but we never talked about this stuff its all new to me. Unfortunately Im starting to see just how fucked I am and how Im not really capable of the full range of emotions yet.
Just curious what stopped you from becoming a soldier, it was your dream? You'd meet alot of nice guys too.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
