Aries
11-26-2016, 03:54 AM
Hey [MENTION=24108]Doc[/MENTION], thanks for sharing more of your story and your concerns and fears.
At some point you are going to have to figure out what parts of your personality are defensive strategies from the schoolyard and elsewhere and what parts of your personality are the real you. Since no society fully embraces same sex attraction, those of us who have that attraction have had to devise strategies to function in the real world. As adults who want to be the best we can, we need to assess if the strategies continue to serve us, or are even needed at all anymore.
For example, I live in a rural area, and it took a long time for me to correct everyone who would make a statement under the assumption I was a straight man. Now when people ask about my family, I tell them first about my boyfriend, tell them I have no children, and then I talk about my dear sister and my two nephews. It wasn't always that way. There was a time when I just said I was single and left it at that. Now I am so strong in who I am and so proud of my relations, it comes out of me in a positive, forceful way, without me even thinking about it.
A kid born tomorrow will have a very different experience in school than you did 20 years ago. There are plenty of places you could live in the US where a 2-dad family is no big deal at all, and where a school would be vigilant to ensure your theoretical child you have with your theoretical husband was in a safe learning environment.
There might be a few milestones along the way before the husband and the kid. But big changes can happen quickly!
At some point you are going to have to figure out what parts of your personality are defensive strategies from the schoolyard and elsewhere and what parts of your personality are the real you. Since no society fully embraces same sex attraction, those of us who have that attraction have had to devise strategies to function in the real world. As adults who want to be the best we can, we need to assess if the strategies continue to serve us, or are even needed at all anymore.
For example, I live in a rural area, and it took a long time for me to correct everyone who would make a statement under the assumption I was a straight man. Now when people ask about my family, I tell them first about my boyfriend, tell them I have no children, and then I talk about my dear sister and my two nephews. It wasn't always that way. There was a time when I just said I was single and left it at that. Now I am so strong in who I am and so proud of my relations, it comes out of me in a positive, forceful way, without me even thinking about it.
A kid born tomorrow will have a very different experience in school than you did 20 years ago. There are plenty of places you could live in the US where a 2-dad family is no big deal at all, and where a school would be vigilant to ensure your theoretical child you have with your theoretical husband was in a safe learning environment.
There might be a few milestones along the way before the husband and the kid. But big changes can happen quickly!
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