true love

[MikeW]

why does it become so so hard to find true love in ourdays??everyone i after s** and money and that's it,i really feel sorry for what we've become.

How much of what you are pining for is just fantasy? That's the question you should be asking yourself. So much of what young men (especially young gay ones, it seems) have in mind is some sort of 'fairytale' fantasy of what "true love" is supposed to look or be like. A romantic image in their brain that has been cultivated by art and culture (literature and film, mostly) and has *very* little to do with real life.

What does it mean to "love" someone? Is it just lust? Is it infatuation, a crush? I think most of us here would agree that, although we may feel those things, they are NOT "love".

Love is when you really like someone *as they are* and you want to spend more and more time with them.

Love is risky because, if it is based solely on 'lust and infatuation', it can very quickly dwindle to disinterest or, worse, open hostility. Love requires that I be *vulnerable* with the other guy... and THIS is the problem. Most men do not want to be *that* vulnerable (especially with other men).

So, to my mind, the question doesn't have to do with "love" (whatever the hell that is), it has to do with INTIMACY. Our willingness (or lack thereof) to BE intimate with another man.

And this insecurity about intimacy is far from something NEW or unique to contemporary times. Trust me, I've been around long enough to know. In my experience, men FEAR intimacy... fear that kind of openness and vulnerability. They'd MUCH rather keep things "safe"... superficial, just sex, no commitment.

Of course, that's a generalization. The reality is, men DO fall in love with one another. But if you think that's going to be hearts and flowers, a white picket fence, all flutter and no grit, you're in for a HUGE disappointment in life.

The reality, IMO, is FAR better than that. It is far more painful, too, but that's part of why it is REAL, not some airy-fairy fantasy of what "true love" ought to be.