06-04-2009, 06:24 PM
Sorry to hear about this. It sounds tough. I suppose boredom can set in after two years, but there is probably more to this than there seems.
First congratulations on coming out and making those changes in your life. You are not the only one on here to do so when older. Some of us were older than you when we decided enough was enough and broke cover.
You say, "He's my problem", but is that strictly true? It's the not having sex that's a problem, isn't it? How are the discussions when you mention it? Do you feel you are able to have a grown up talk about what's going on or does he avoid the subject and say very little that's helpful?
Forty is a funny age. I wouldn't want to go through it again. It's an age where bits start to wear out, or fall out out, and you start to see a different person in the mirror. The term "mid-life crisis" was coined to describe the realisations that occur when we hit our forties.
Maybe work is stressful, but him being "in a weird place" seems to be leaving you in Nomansland. The traffic shouldn't all be one-way. In a relationship you sometimes have to sacrifice a bit of yourself for the sake of your partner's happiness. It sounds like you've been doing a lot of sacrificing, but then we've only heard your interpretation of the situation. Being in a weird place sounds like there's is something he cannot or will not talk to you about. Until you can both get all the cards on the table I don't know what else you can do. You both have worries and there is clearly some unhappiness about it all. If you can't find the language to talk together have you considered couples counselling? I have heard that, on occasion, a dispassionate third party viewpoint can be helpful.
Best wishes and good luck to you both.
First congratulations on coming out and making those changes in your life. You are not the only one on here to do so when older. Some of us were older than you when we decided enough was enough and broke cover.
You say, "He's my problem", but is that strictly true? It's the not having sex that's a problem, isn't it? How are the discussions when you mention it? Do you feel you are able to have a grown up talk about what's going on or does he avoid the subject and say very little that's helpful?
Forty is a funny age. I wouldn't want to go through it again. It's an age where bits start to wear out, or fall out out, and you start to see a different person in the mirror. The term "mid-life crisis" was coined to describe the realisations that occur when we hit our forties.
Maybe work is stressful, but him being "in a weird place" seems to be leaving you in Nomansland. The traffic shouldn't all be one-way. In a relationship you sometimes have to sacrifice a bit of yourself for the sake of your partner's happiness. It sounds like you've been doing a lot of sacrificing, but then we've only heard your interpretation of the situation. Being in a weird place sounds like there's is something he cannot or will not talk to you about. Until you can both get all the cards on the table I don't know what else you can do. You both have worries and there is clearly some unhappiness about it all. If you can't find the language to talk together have you considered couples counselling? I have heard that, on occasion, a dispassionate third party viewpoint can be helpful.
Best wishes and good luck to you both.
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