05-24-2020, 03:17 PM
I don’t really know why I’m writing all this. I guess it's not a very good idea to make your first thread about something bad but I just need to tell it someone, to vent and get it off my chest. These are all recent events, everything is still very fresh and I might be a little emotional.
My boyfriend and I were together for 12 years until recently, when I found out he’s been cheating on me for quite a long time. And I found out about it in the most ironic way possible – his lover paid me a visit to talk to me about letting my boyfriend go. Actually, this whole thing is quite complicated because I wasn’t the only person my boyfriend lied to, but I’ll get to that eventually.
When this guy appeared on my doorstep, I didn’t understand anything. I had never seen him before but he knew who I was though, he was calling me by my first name and he was kinda surprised I knew nothing about him and that my boyfriend hadn’t told me anything about him. He then told me that he and my boyfriend, they’re dating for HALF A YEAR and he has come to talk to me man to man about this situation we’re in.
I was furious at first, I couldn't believe it, I was yelling at this guy to get out of my house and he admitted that dating a guy who’s in relationship with someone else wasn’t the best thing to do but he told me to face the reality once and for all and that he knows all about our relationship, proceeding to tell me things I heard the first time in my life.
He told me that my boyfriend and I, we don’t talk to each other for 2 years, don’t sleep with each other for even longer and that I’m very sick and my boyfriend must take care of me and that’s why he cannot break up with me and go live with him. My boyfriend told him all those things about me, things that are completely false – I’m not sick, we talked to each other and slept with each other every single day. We had a normal, loving ( or so I thought ) relationship. So basically my boyfriend was lying to his lover as well about the situation he had with me. He was lying to both of us.
Hearing all this was just heartbreaking to me. I was such an idiot that I trusted my boyfriend completely and here is his lover in front of me. It was devastating to see how good he knows our house. While talking to him, I accidentally spilled some water on the floor and he simply got up and went to grab a towel. He knew where every single thing was in this house which means that he has been here a lot.
While I was at work (my absence was explained to the lover as me being in the hospital), thinking that my boyfriend is waiting for me, he was spending time in our bed with his lover. And this guy was so determined, he was begging me to let my boyfriend go because he loves him so much and he’s tired of living this way, he wants him for himself only. And in a way, I could understand him. In his place, I also wouldn’t want to share a man with someone else.
Later I confronted my boyfriend who first denied everything but when he realized his lover actually came to see me, he finally confessed. His explanation was that one person cannot possess all the qualities necessary for a successful relationship and that he needs both of us in his life in order to feel happy and content. When he spends some time with me, he misses his lover and when he spends some time with his lover, he misses me. He said he loves me but me alone is not enough for him. That’s the bullshit he needs.
He wanted me to agree to have an open relationship, I was like – what do you mean? First, I don’t do open relationships to begin with, second, your lover apparently doesn't either, he wants you for himself only and, third, I don’t want you at all anymore after what you’ve done.
We were living in his apartment, so I packed my stuff and left. He keeps calling me but this thing is over. He hurt me a lot and it’s painful to realize that 10 years spent in a relationship are down the drain now and meant nothing to him. I trusted him, all these years I thought he’s an honest, loyal man who respects me.
I feel like such a total idiot. How could I be so stupid and not realize he had a lover? He was cheating on me for half a year, not one day, not one week, not one month – half a year – and I had no idea. He came home to me every evening, we slept in the same bed every night. No suspicion, none.
If there was a problem, if there was something he wasn’t satisfied with, why not come to me and talk about it? That’s what couples do, they communicate. Why lie, why cheat? I don’t understand it. And no, I wouldn't have agreed to any kind of group activities but if it was that important to him and he wanted to break up over it, at least it would have happened without lies.
Anyway, I don’t know what’s going to happen between him and that guy and I honestly don’t care. The dude wanted me to let him go, well, I have now. There is no way back to me for him, so he can do whatever he wants now.
I’ll need some time to heal myself, I'm in a very dark place now. When you're together with someone for that long, you grow with that person and your lives become entwined with one another. And then, when you suddenly don't see him anymore and don't talk to him, it feels as if a chunk of me has been ripped out. I have never been hurt like this ever.
My boyfriend and I were together for 12 years until recently, when I found out he’s been cheating on me for quite a long time. And I found out about it in the most ironic way possible – his lover paid me a visit to talk to me about letting my boyfriend go. Actually, this whole thing is quite complicated because I wasn’t the only person my boyfriend lied to, but I’ll get to that eventually.
When this guy appeared on my doorstep, I didn’t understand anything. I had never seen him before but he knew who I was though, he was calling me by my first name and he was kinda surprised I knew nothing about him and that my boyfriend hadn’t told me anything about him. He then told me that he and my boyfriend, they’re dating for HALF A YEAR and he has come to talk to me man to man about this situation we’re in.
I was furious at first, I couldn't believe it, I was yelling at this guy to get out of my house and he admitted that dating a guy who’s in relationship with someone else wasn’t the best thing to do but he told me to face the reality once and for all and that he knows all about our relationship, proceeding to tell me things I heard the first time in my life.
He told me that my boyfriend and I, we don’t talk to each other for 2 years, don’t sleep with each other for even longer and that I’m very sick and my boyfriend must take care of me and that’s why he cannot break up with me and go live with him. My boyfriend told him all those things about me, things that are completely false – I’m not sick, we talked to each other and slept with each other every single day. We had a normal, loving ( or so I thought ) relationship. So basically my boyfriend was lying to his lover as well about the situation he had with me. He was lying to both of us.
Hearing all this was just heartbreaking to me. I was such an idiot that I trusted my boyfriend completely and here is his lover in front of me. It was devastating to see how good he knows our house. While talking to him, I accidentally spilled some water on the floor and he simply got up and went to grab a towel. He knew where every single thing was in this house which means that he has been here a lot.
While I was at work (my absence was explained to the lover as me being in the hospital), thinking that my boyfriend is waiting for me, he was spending time in our bed with his lover. And this guy was so determined, he was begging me to let my boyfriend go because he loves him so much and he’s tired of living this way, he wants him for himself only. And in a way, I could understand him. In his place, I also wouldn’t want to share a man with someone else.
Later I confronted my boyfriend who first denied everything but when he realized his lover actually came to see me, he finally confessed. His explanation was that one person cannot possess all the qualities necessary for a successful relationship and that he needs both of us in his life in order to feel happy and content. When he spends some time with me, he misses his lover and when he spends some time with his lover, he misses me. He said he loves me but me alone is not enough for him. That’s the bullshit he needs.
He wanted me to agree to have an open relationship, I was like – what do you mean? First, I don’t do open relationships to begin with, second, your lover apparently doesn't either, he wants you for himself only and, third, I don’t want you at all anymore after what you’ve done.
We were living in his apartment, so I packed my stuff and left. He keeps calling me but this thing is over. He hurt me a lot and it’s painful to realize that 10 years spent in a relationship are down the drain now and meant nothing to him. I trusted him, all these years I thought he’s an honest, loyal man who respects me.
I feel like such a total idiot. How could I be so stupid and not realize he had a lover? He was cheating on me for half a year, not one day, not one week, not one month – half a year – and I had no idea. He came home to me every evening, we slept in the same bed every night. No suspicion, none.
If there was a problem, if there was something he wasn’t satisfied with, why not come to me and talk about it? That’s what couples do, they communicate. Why lie, why cheat? I don’t understand it. And no, I wouldn't have agreed to any kind of group activities but if it was that important to him and he wanted to break up over it, at least it would have happened without lies.
Anyway, I don’t know what’s going to happen between him and that guy and I honestly don’t care. The dude wanted me to let him go, well, I have now. There is no way back to me for him, so he can do whatever he wants now.
I’ll need some time to heal myself, I'm in a very dark place now. When you're together with someone for that long, you grow with that person and your lives become entwined with one another. And then, when you suddenly don't see him anymore and don't talk to him, it feels as if a chunk of me has been ripped out. I have never been hurt like this ever.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
