Words can kill

[soulfulriver]

@soulfulriver

Hey Roger,

Kids can be evil. Well adults can aswell but kids at school and even college can be real bullies. I was bullied a lot at school, mainly for my weight. I was body shamed a lot and would hate PE as a result, especially things like swimming. It would really pull me back into my shell and I think the horrible time I did have at school has made me quite a socially anxious individual as an adult. Sadly, teachers aren't always helpful, some are great but others not so. They are there to teach and safeguard, I'm sorry that you had an experience of a teacher that wasn't doing their job adequately. I know that would have made you feel alone. It certainly did me, especially as my confidence took such a knock that I felt like I couldn't even speak to a teacher about the bullying. No-one should have to endure it, but sadly it still happens.

I was never bullied for being effeminate as I was never really that way. However, the bullying about my weight did make me feel more conscious about hiding the other thing I was realising age 12 (or so), that I was gay. Because I felt I had to hide it to avoid more daily bullying, I ended up keeping on hiding it well into adulthood (I came out in my mid to late twenties). I ended up falling into the wrong crowd in my late teens early twenties and fell into the world of drugs, which then dominated my life for a good 5 years or so. I'm not saying this wouldn't have happened if I was not bullied, but I think it contributed. I was feeling bery depressed at the time, but also I was surrounding myself with more "tough", "masculine" people (for want of better words) and appeasing them to appear more masculine myself and to further hide my homosexuality.

Something snapped for me in my mid twenties. I got clean, and it was at that point that I really began to feel like I couldn't live the way I was any longer. I then began living my life as an "out" man, but the process of coming out was a really tough one, not helped by the bullying I suffered earlier in life. Although I am happy with where I am now, the scars still show.

Anyway, enough about me, I just thought I would give my account on how words have affected me, and believe me, I know they can kill. @InbetweenDreams has offered some really good advice, although I have never tried therapy myself, I know people that have and it has helped them a great deal. As Mike has said, it is about getting to the point of realising there is nothing wrong with you, you are who you are, and getting some confidence back, and beginning to like who you are. This is a tough journey for sure and it is easier said than done, but I want you to know @soulfulriver that you are never alone. It really does help to talk.

Thanks for your reply Cridders88. Thank you for sharing your past experiences in life. I hope you are doing fine now. I'll try to take some therapy in order to improve myself and feel better.