12-02-2010, 09:29 PM
Well Samsungroy, you THINK you know what he's going through, but even his partner doesn't know and he hasn't spoken to any of us, so I think it's hard to assume anything about this man.
Cynmart, I think my partner is right however. It could be that your own partner is, in all good faith just looking for a lodger but with what you've told us, I doubt it. It may be that he's bi sexual and needs both the comfort of a future wife and kids (he seems to be wanting to make good to you by marrying you and being the official father of the kids) ... and some manly sex on the side, but I hope that him getting you all these wonderful presents isn't to overcompensate for his inner guilt. Just a thought.
I agree with Marshlander that it would be better to get it out in the air. Why do you think it could turn ugly? Does he resort to violence? It could just be that not having the words to name what it is that he wants, he feels he's got no other choice than to deny and maybe resort to violence. The violence could actually be aimed at himself, but he's maybe not in a mental / psychological position to see that, so maybe he takes it out on someone else?
Maybe your option here is to show a great deal of comprehension, and a great deal of tact, making him understand that he'll still be his children's father whatever happens, and that he'll have a special place in your heart, should he need to part with you to be himself. Otherwise, if he is bisexual, and you can accept that, then maybe you need to set the rules down between you, something by which you both obey the rule that you do sex safely to preserve the other one...
I hope you manage to come to an agreement that is pacific enough not to break anyone's heart and not to end up in hospital.
Good luck. You will probably need to be brave, as you already are by facing this issue.
Cynmart, I think my partner is right however. It could be that your own partner is, in all good faith just looking for a lodger but with what you've told us, I doubt it. It may be that he's bi sexual and needs both the comfort of a future wife and kids (he seems to be wanting to make good to you by marrying you and being the official father of the kids) ... and some manly sex on the side, but I hope that him getting you all these wonderful presents isn't to overcompensate for his inner guilt. Just a thought.
I agree with Marshlander that it would be better to get it out in the air. Why do you think it could turn ugly? Does he resort to violence? It could just be that not having the words to name what it is that he wants, he feels he's got no other choice than to deny and maybe resort to violence. The violence could actually be aimed at himself, but he's maybe not in a mental / psychological position to see that, so maybe he takes it out on someone else?
Maybe your option here is to show a great deal of comprehension, and a great deal of tact, making him understand that he'll still be his children's father whatever happens, and that he'll have a special place in your heart, should he need to part with you to be himself. Otherwise, if he is bisexual, and you can accept that, then maybe you need to set the rules down between you, something by which you both obey the rule that you do sex safely to preserve the other one...
I hope you manage to come to an agreement that is pacific enough not to break anyone's heart and not to end up in hospital.
Good luck. You will probably need to be brave, as you already are by facing this issue.
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