12-28-2010, 01:58 PM
I'm glad you had a good Christmas. After that I don't really know what you want, so I'm just going to spell it out as I see it. I don't mean to be hurtful, but I'm pretty sure this will be blunt.
"Talked with my man and he claims hE loves me dearly and would never do anything crazy over the road to bring back a disease to me"
If that is what he really said it's interesting for what he doesn't say as for what he does. He's really only saying he's going to be careful, not that he isn't going to see men. And the reading his messages thing ... come on! He knows you can get into his account and yet hasn't changed his password and you keep reading his personal messages??? Relationships rely on trust and for a relationship there is a lot here that isn't being said. Being open is also being replaced with quite a lot of relying on hope. You hope he is being sincere and he hopes he has left enough clues so he can believe he hasn't lied to you.
This is only my opinion, but as an expert at covering my own tracks for many years while I came to terms with being gay, I think that the best you can hope for here is to enjoy what you have with this man while you are still together. Digging into his messages is not going to tell you anything you don't already know, but it will make you very unhappy as it raises more questions you don't feel able to address directly to him. If his behaviour, real or imagined, doesn't finish your relationship, your unwillingness to let him have his privacy will certainly undermine the foundations in time.
I'm sorry to say it, but only you can make the decisions as to what you need for your family and for how long you can carry on in this state of limbo.
"Talked with my man and he claims hE loves me dearly and would never do anything crazy over the road to bring back a disease to me"
If that is what he really said it's interesting for what he doesn't say as for what he does. He's really only saying he's going to be careful, not that he isn't going to see men. And the reading his messages thing ... come on! He knows you can get into his account and yet hasn't changed his password and you keep reading his personal messages??? Relationships rely on trust and for a relationship there is a lot here that isn't being said. Being open is also being replaced with quite a lot of relying on hope. You hope he is being sincere and he hopes he has left enough clues so he can believe he hasn't lied to you.
This is only my opinion, but as an expert at covering my own tracks for many years while I came to terms with being gay, I think that the best you can hope for here is to enjoy what you have with this man while you are still together. Digging into his messages is not going to tell you anything you don't already know, but it will make you very unhappy as it raises more questions you don't feel able to address directly to him. If his behaviour, real or imagined, doesn't finish your relationship, your unwillingness to let him have his privacy will certainly undermine the foundations in time.
I'm sorry to say it, but only you can make the decisions as to what you need for your family and for how long you can carry on in this state of limbo.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
