Not sure if bi, or simply confused.

[SecretLust]

Hey welcome back.


Well, I don't have any *specific* thoughts at this moment. Basically, my post was meant more as an invitation to bounce ideas of off me because you wrote a couple things that really struck a chord with me.

You mentioned "social anxiety". You mentioned being a 26 y/o virgin. You also mentioned a certain "ambiguity" with respect to your sexual attraction and some doubt as to whether or not your feelings towards men was the result of some subconscious "compensation".

Those are all the same things I felt and experienced when I was your age. I already mentioned my "pendulum" (that is to say, I never felt simultaneously attracted to men and women, but I would swing from one "polarity" to the other). And here's the part that may draw some fire from the gay community, but let's be honest: I tended to feel gay when my self-esteem was lowest, when I felt crappy about life.

Gay men who have always identified as gay and are rightly proud of being gay don't like to hear such negative and disparaging characterizations of homosexuality, but I'm sorry, sexuality is just too complicated a subject to always say, "we are born this way." We're NOT--or at least, some of us are NOT. Some of us do CHOOSE (either consciously or subconsciously) to "take a walk on the wild side". And that statement is not meant in any way, shape or form to justify one shred of discrimination that might be advanced because some bigot thinks it's "sick".

Uh....so I'm off on a tangent because I felt like I needed to play a little defense right off the bat. Apologies.

Back to my invitation...


I just want to let you know that I think I might have walked the same path you're walking now and even though I'm still walking I'd be willing to trace back my steps if you'd like to continue the dialogue, either right here in this thread or via private message. Especially on the subject of social anxiety. I was a quite the recluse for many years and even though I'm better about getting out now I'm still a very private and quiet person.

No matter what, just hang in there and realize eventually most of these issues will resolve themselves, sooner or later. And some issues you will ALWAYS struggle with.

I am STILL under the influence of the pendulum to some extent, but I've learned to live with it.

Ok, that's enough for now.
Best wishes.

Well, I think there are multiple reasons for being gay, and if there is an inherent psychological "flaw" in some of them there might be a similar flaw in heterosexual individuals. There was an interesting article I was reading about how childhood experiences can affect someone's subsequent orientation, this was just a theory.

Honestly, I have heard from someone else about a personal link between social anxiety, low self-esteem, and homosexual thoughts, the "pendulum" you speak of I've experienced myself. I think I've gotten into this strong, ingrained habit of being attracted to other guys especially when I'm feeling bad about myself, but this happens in general too.

Like I said, I believe there are multiple reasons for being attracted to men, it's not a fully understood subject.

Anyway, thanks for the reply! I might take you up on that PM offer later.