09-01-2011, 09:12 PM
Hi, Ken. Welcome to GS.
Have you thought that maybe in your mind --> your bf has a past and you haven't quite forgiven him for it? He was 15-16? You are so lucky he's alive and survived. Part of having a "conservative" background is YOUR baggage. Your baggage is righteousness and judgment. That's what you need to get over. It's your problem, not his. You need to put the blame honestly where it needs to be. You left money on a dresser knowing his past? Really? I think you are subconsciously making him pay for his former life.
You might feel a little defensive by my words, but I hope they push you to do a little soul searching. Just because you have less sexual experience or more "acceptable" experience, it doesn't make you somehow better. Your flashes of what he must have done/experienced, remind me of xans who dwell on what "homosexuals must do." They fixate on it. Why are you fixating on what he must have done? He used sex to survive. You either accept it and love him for who he is or you find yourself a virgin.
The guy finished school and has moved on. Don't take away from him what he has accomplished. Don't keep making him live the life of a prostitute.
Have you thought that maybe in your mind --> your bf has a past and you haven't quite forgiven him for it? He was 15-16? You are so lucky he's alive and survived. Part of having a "conservative" background is YOUR baggage. Your baggage is righteousness and judgment. That's what you need to get over. It's your problem, not his. You need to put the blame honestly where it needs to be. You left money on a dresser knowing his past? Really? I think you are subconsciously making him pay for his former life.
You might feel a little defensive by my words, but I hope they push you to do a little soul searching. Just because you have less sexual experience or more "acceptable" experience, it doesn't make you somehow better. Your flashes of what he must have done/experienced, remind me of xans who dwell on what "homosexuals must do." They fixate on it. Why are you fixating on what he must have done? He used sex to survive. You either accept it and love him for who he is or you find yourself a virgin.
The guy finished school and has moved on. Don't take away from him what he has accomplished. Don't keep making him live the life of a prostitute.
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