12-02-2011, 02:09 AM
I'm the odd man out here. For me I have to have something other than mere lust to have enjoyable sex with a person.
This explains why in 45 years I have only had 8 sex partners. Six attempts at relationships and 2 attempts for casual - no-strings attached sex.
Sex is not merely pleasure and lust - it fills a lot of other emotional needs and does other things than lead to procreation. As we evolved sex has evolved with us, becoming not just a way to spread our genetic material, but also a useful tool to get that necessary pair bonding between two adults so they can work together to insure the survival of the helpless offspring that is the usual outcome of sex.
I think a lot of gay males throw out the love aspect, deny it because we are programed by society to believe that two men can't really love each other. While no one really says that anymore, society does send that message each time Gay Marriage is voted down.
Back when I was doing clubs and bars (20 years ago) the old jaded queens told us young boys hitting the scene that our romantic 'fairytale' story of finding a knight in shining armor and living happily ever after was impossible for gay men because two men can't really love each other. They were repeating what society was telling them.
Sixty-two thousand four hundred repetitions make one truth. Aldous Huxley "BRAVE NEW WORLD"
This is the power of brain washing, say at thing enough times and people believe it.
Gay men are a product of brainwashing in their so called 'culture'. I know this is an unpopular notion. We have been programed to live up to straight expectations of what it is to be gay. To the point where we actually deny ourselves much. We deny ourselves monogamy, long term relationships and the starry eyed wonder we started with long ago when we had this notion that we would meet Mr. Right, settle down and live happily ever after (among many other behaviors that we live out as stereotype).
Society as a whole (Gay, bi, straight, whatever) has brain washed itself as to what this thing called love is all about. The divorce rate is high for first time marriages not because love dies, but because society has made the idea of love something it is not. People deny that love has stages and mistake that first passionate pang of love as 'real love' and when that is replaced with deeper, different kind of love that love has 'died'.
While some of us really can have lots of sex and not get attached, my experience with others who have 'confessed' their confusion through the decades tells me that a lot of guys (gays) have a much stronger emotional attachment to potential partners than they are willing to admit to others and in many cases to themselves.
They decide to ignore those emotions because they think that that is what is expected from them. Or they do fall in love, admit it and get their heart ripped out and stomped on for their confession as the other refuses to accept this 'love' potential. It becomes a vicious cycle where one destroys the heart of others, on and on sowing seeds of confusion and hatred of the idea of love.
Between life long monogamy and endless promiscuity there is a middle ground that most (not all) humans fall in. We are not really wired for a life dedicated to one mate - we are not wolves. Nor are we designed to endless coupling with nameless strangers. We have both a need to spread our genetic material and a need to settle down and find companionship, love, commitment for at the very least the short term - a few years, a couple of decades.
Where you fall on that ultimately depends on you, I suspect you lean further into the need for love, companionship, partnership.
This explains why in 45 years I have only had 8 sex partners. Six attempts at relationships and 2 attempts for casual - no-strings attached sex.
Sex is not merely pleasure and lust - it fills a lot of other emotional needs and does other things than lead to procreation. As we evolved sex has evolved with us, becoming not just a way to spread our genetic material, but also a useful tool to get that necessary pair bonding between two adults so they can work together to insure the survival of the helpless offspring that is the usual outcome of sex.
I think a lot of gay males throw out the love aspect, deny it because we are programed by society to believe that two men can't really love each other. While no one really says that anymore, society does send that message each time Gay Marriage is voted down.
Back when I was doing clubs and bars (20 years ago) the old jaded queens told us young boys hitting the scene that our romantic 'fairytale' story of finding a knight in shining armor and living happily ever after was impossible for gay men because two men can't really love each other. They were repeating what society was telling them.
Sixty-two thousand four hundred repetitions make one truth. Aldous Huxley "BRAVE NEW WORLD"
This is the power of brain washing, say at thing enough times and people believe it.
Gay men are a product of brainwashing in their so called 'culture'. I know this is an unpopular notion. We have been programed to live up to straight expectations of what it is to be gay. To the point where we actually deny ourselves much. We deny ourselves monogamy, long term relationships and the starry eyed wonder we started with long ago when we had this notion that we would meet Mr. Right, settle down and live happily ever after (among many other behaviors that we live out as stereotype).
Society as a whole (Gay, bi, straight, whatever) has brain washed itself as to what this thing called love is all about. The divorce rate is high for first time marriages not because love dies, but because society has made the idea of love something it is not. People deny that love has stages and mistake that first passionate pang of love as 'real love' and when that is replaced with deeper, different kind of love that love has 'died'.
While some of us really can have lots of sex and not get attached, my experience with others who have 'confessed' their confusion through the decades tells me that a lot of guys (gays) have a much stronger emotional attachment to potential partners than they are willing to admit to others and in many cases to themselves.
They decide to ignore those emotions because they think that that is what is expected from them. Or they do fall in love, admit it and get their heart ripped out and stomped on for their confession as the other refuses to accept this 'love' potential. It becomes a vicious cycle where one destroys the heart of others, on and on sowing seeds of confusion and hatred of the idea of love.
Between life long monogamy and endless promiscuity there is a middle ground that most (not all) humans fall in. We are not really wired for a life dedicated to one mate - we are not wolves. Nor are we designed to endless coupling with nameless strangers. We have both a need to spread our genetic material and a need to settle down and find companionship, love, commitment for at the very least the short term - a few years, a couple of decades.
Where you fall on that ultimately depends on you, I suspect you lean further into the need for love, companionship, partnership.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
