12-07-2011, 10:30 AM
Why?
Because you are going to have hard time explaining to them why it is you are still not married with kids 20 years down the line.
Further, parents are going to ask 'Are you dating yet?' - Lets see how long you can go without using a gender clue (him/her, he/she, etc) before you screw up and let it out that you are dating a gal.
Eventually you are going to have to choose to bold face lie to them, hide your mate from them and live two lives OR you are going to have to decide to come out and go from there.
Unfortunately many in the LGBT community expect their partner to be out to their folks. It seems like it is a must, regardless of the outcome.
I didn't come out until I was dating a guy (my first lover) Up to that point I was so far deep into my own denial that I assumed that I was just naturally celibate when it came to women.
When I did find out that I loved a guy I felt it was imperative for me to tell my parents.
Of course I was out of their home, on my own. While I would try to be on nice terms with my parents after I came out, there was a lot of other stuff, abuse, sickness in our relationship that ultimately lead to my closing the door to my parents and living as if they were dead.
Up side of that is that from that moment on a great weight was lifted from my shoulders. I no longer carried around this need to live up to their expectations, and no longer tilted at the windmill trying to win their praise and pride.
The down-side is that I do not have 'family' ties of my own not to my parents.
However I have been blessed. My partner's family has been great to me. My late Father In-Law, a stout Catholic Republican Conservative, an Officer of the Navy, embraced me as one of his own, he more than made up for a lot of the lacks my own father had.
He was the last person I went hunting with and that trip was one of the more precious memories I have. Not because we shot game, but because of the week we spent out in the wild woods just chewing the fat and him telling me he was proud of me for a few things. He more than made up for the lack of my own parents in many ways. And so too my mother-in-law. Good people.
My point is that your family may not accept you. But there are people in the world who will accept you and love you and be proud of you. Family is more than just shared genetic material.
Right now if you are stuck under your folks roof and you fear for your own safety - be it physical, emotional, mental - then keep your lips sealed and work towards and escape plan, a job an apartment and a 'safety net' that means you are not under their thumb when you do tell them.
Expect it to hurt, expect it to be mean, but hope for the best. I know of many parents who had a change of heart once it was one of their own kids who turned out being 'that way'. Personal investment can change people for the better.
Because you are going to have hard time explaining to them why it is you are still not married with kids 20 years down the line.
Further, parents are going to ask 'Are you dating yet?' - Lets see how long you can go without using a gender clue (him/her, he/she, etc) before you screw up and let it out that you are dating a gal.
Eventually you are going to have to choose to bold face lie to them, hide your mate from them and live two lives OR you are going to have to decide to come out and go from there.
Unfortunately many in the LGBT community expect their partner to be out to their folks. It seems like it is a must, regardless of the outcome.
I didn't come out until I was dating a guy (my first lover) Up to that point I was so far deep into my own denial that I assumed that I was just naturally celibate when it came to women.
When I did find out that I loved a guy I felt it was imperative for me to tell my parents.
Of course I was out of their home, on my own. While I would try to be on nice terms with my parents after I came out, there was a lot of other stuff, abuse, sickness in our relationship that ultimately lead to my closing the door to my parents and living as if they were dead.
Up side of that is that from that moment on a great weight was lifted from my shoulders. I no longer carried around this need to live up to their expectations, and no longer tilted at the windmill trying to win their praise and pride.
The down-side is that I do not have 'family' ties of my own not to my parents.
However I have been blessed. My partner's family has been great to me. My late Father In-Law, a stout Catholic Republican Conservative, an Officer of the Navy, embraced me as one of his own, he more than made up for a lot of the lacks my own father had.
He was the last person I went hunting with and that trip was one of the more precious memories I have. Not because we shot game, but because of the week we spent out in the wild woods just chewing the fat and him telling me he was proud of me for a few things. He more than made up for the lack of my own parents in many ways. And so too my mother-in-law. Good people.
My point is that your family may not accept you. But there are people in the world who will accept you and love you and be proud of you. Family is more than just shared genetic material.
Right now if you are stuck under your folks roof and you fear for your own safety - be it physical, emotional, mental - then keep your lips sealed and work towards and escape plan, a job an apartment and a 'safety net' that means you are not under their thumb when you do tell them.
Expect it to hurt, expect it to be mean, but hope for the best. I know of many parents who had a change of heart once it was one of their own kids who turned out being 'that way'. Personal investment can change people for the better.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
