do you have a very gay christmas tree

[Bowyn Aerrow]

While we are gay, we tend to be a bit more traditional - straight if you - will with our holidays.

Wait, no, what am I saying?!?!?! :o

While I personally do not care if the tree is balanced with ornaments and no general theme, I do bow down to my partner's desire for 'Themes' and the tree having to be perfect in every way.

We have had 'snow theme' where white and silver with snowflakes and similar ornaments was done one year.

We had our 'Blue Christmas' one year, our burgundy Christmas... silver and gold, each year we have this 'theme' we work with, each year we buy a ton of Christmas crap.

He is still 'thinking' about this year's theme. I won't get an answer until we are at the store looking at ornaments. I will be consulted 'which do you prefer' - no matter which one I point to he will tell me I do not have a sense of style and will pick the other. The shopping part of our 'decision making process' will be a few hours in length. Many years we have loaded up the shopping cart, reached the line and suddenly he sees an ornament in some ones shopping cart and its back to the Christmas crap aisles to 'redesign' our Christmas, emptying the cart and starting fresh.

We have spent way much more money on 'themed' ornaments and tinsel and other Christmas Crap than I would invest in personally. In our storage locker we have about 25 boxes dedicated to Christmas crap. If I dare to suggest that we use them again he gives me the look the one that tells me I am a disgrace to my people and am not 'gay enough' to know what do to for the holidays.

There was one year where he had to have clay ornaments, each costing $10.99. We spent over $600.00 on ornaments alone - that does not include 5 strings of lights, tinsel, tree and doesn't cover the additional costs for Christmas crap for the exterior of the house to match the interior.

Each year its a Noble fir as tall or slightly taller than me (between 6-6.5 feet) the coffee table has to be put in storage so we can have a place to put the tree in the corner. We will hit several Christmas tree lots, he will have me hold one tree after another, select a couple three ask the lot owner to hold them temporarily. Then after we find that one tree after about 5 lots or so, we have to go back to each lot we visited so he can 'run in' and tell the lot operator no thank-you.

Run in is a relative term. Because it takes 15 minutes to an hour of additional small talk. Tree shopping is an all day affair 8-10 hours.

Of course I am satisfied with the first tree we look at it. It is green, it has needles - its a perfect tree. 15 minutes and I am ready to take it home.

Each year it takes about three days for the tree to be trimmed. I am not allowed to hang ornaments. It appears that I do not have a sense of balance or placement for the right ball to be placed in its right place. Each ornament has to be contemplated, the tree has to be looked at from several angles before a (one) ornament can be hung. I am allowed to pull the tree back and push it back to its corner, turn it so he can look at it from several angles.

I do get the tree stump cutting and standing it where my eye is not good enough to level the damn thing the partner insists I use the spirit level (guess what, I can eyeball a tree to level perfectly).

Decorating the rest of the house requires level and measuring tape. Mind I have driven the nails exactly 16 inches apart ten years ago as per request. I did measure it out way back then. I use the same holes for the finish nails that I have used for the last decade. But each year he wants me to measure it out - again, and asks me if its perfect.

If I dare to say 'Its just tinsel' I get that withering look that tells me that there will be no sex for the rest of the week. I made the mistake of saying 'This silver tinsel looks exactly like what we hung last year'.... I got 'lectured' on how looks are deceptive and that that tinsel we bought last year is part of last year's theme, and can't be used in this year's theme.