Should I? Or Should I not? I'm dying here.

[iPromise]

He's a mormon .... within a highly religious family. You can only imagine what that might do to his head right? I also belief that he wasn't comfortable with his sexuality.

Well first of all a little background about him and me.

We met through a mutual friend on MSN. One day I was talking to my friend and he invited this guy to chat with us. My friend left and we both ended up talking to each other. We chatted, laughed, and decided to stay friends. We exchanged pictures and stuff, I told him how absolutely gorgeous he is lol, and I told him that well I was "bi" and he said he was straight, so I was like okay hands off.

Few months passed by, we kept talking, via webcam, then to phone. etc.. etc... long great conversations guys. He would call me when he had his girlfriend issues, I would laugh with him, and sorta advice him with the girls, I kept telling him how fortunate those girls were and can't belief they treat him that way.

He has a crush for this "butch" girl who dressed like a guy, and acts like a guy. She had no interest for him, and it hurt him. I felt his pain.

We'd talk at school though our computers, I mailed him a webcam later on so we can chat. all of this by the way was just as friends, he was an absolutely great friend, a friend I'd love to have.

until..... a few months after, we were chatting one night, and he told me "you're so cute" at the end of the call he said "I love you" I said the same thing back, and mind you, I took all of this as friends only!! Nothing more, than just friends.

About a month and half passed, I couldn't help but notice how he changed the way he talks to me, "I love you" "you're so cute" we talked about any and everything, lol just imagine talking about circumcision, toilet preferences and stuff lol. Yah, we were that comfortable with each other, and then he dropped the ball on me.

He said that he had feelings for me all this time along, over a year long relationship as friends and I loved that year long friendship. After he dropped the ball, things went crazy from there, I don't know why, I don't understand why but...

first, he met up with a guy online and perform for him, the both of them masturbated together. The next day he confessed to me, and he told me that it's fine if I was mad at him, I should be, I though ah what the heck, you're just experimenting, and I told him it was normal. But later on I ended up crying my eyes off, it sorta felt like a dagger went through my heart. I lied to him, but he knew that.

next, we haven't talked for a while. He went Missing in action on me, It was during christmas, I had already bough him a christmas present, so I sent it anyway. Christmas passed, no communication what so ever (I called, but he had blocked my number), new years passed, his birthday came up, I send him a card, and left it as that. All this time I couldn't stop thinking about what might have happened.

After he received his birthday card he gave me a call, told me that he couldn't stop thinking about me, and how guilty he felt for having done what he did. (the masturbation). I was happy he called back and I told him I forgave him. We kept up with each other for about a month and half after, we started to talk more intimately with each other, sexually....then it happened....

Our last phone call ended about two-three months after he came back, with him saying,

"[my name here] .... I love you, I care for you, and I wouldn't want anything but the best for you, that's why I have to let you go, because I can't hurt you anymore. Let's be friends. . . ."

I guess it's my own fault because I couldn't accept the fact that even though he said those words, he still ended up hurting me.