01-27-2012, 12:07 PM
You are being measured up and most likely have already been found to be kinda -sorta like X - sharing characteristics, either physical or behavioral that are similar enough to your partner to remind you of X.
We all do this to one degree or another.
Most of these 'choices' we use to pick a potential mate are done subconsciously. Our 'type' is largely defined by past relationships.
This is one reason why abused people tend to get into serial abusive relationships. We tend to find those behaviors and characteristics of our initial abuser to be somehow 'attractive' and our abusers find us because we share commonalities of other abused.
EXAMPLE: I like a specific type of nose. The reason why I like the nose is because my buddy (no sex, just really great friends) Bradley, who was funny and witty, strong and extremely personable had that nose. I associate that nose shape with all of these warm cozy attributes of Bradly. This type of nose is now attractive to me because it reminds me off all of these other wonderful qualities of Bradly. If a date a guy with this nose type, I am hoping to find those attributes Bradly had.
This is how a past relationship influences my future choices.
Is it a 'bad' thing? Depends on the person who is doing it. what are they ultimately seeking (They most likely do not know) if its a total replacement, its a potential huge problem, if its just to find some familiar, good traits, it is a 'good thing' in that it helps to cull the herd of potential suitors and is one way that we humans attempt to find a 'perfect match' to have a long relationship with.
Is it bad for you? Unknown. While he may see a lot of X in you, he might also see that you are not 100% X and you most likely have other 'good' qualities from other past relationships as he attempts to find that 'perfect' man.
It may be a positive sign that he and his X are on friendly terms. They have enough in common to be friends (which translate he is seeking a friend in you too) but there are other aspects that doesn't meet his needs for 'lover' which hopefully with those differences between you and X he sees the potential lover aspect here.
What is happening is normal and to a large degree in general a healthy way to pick and choose a mate - we all do it, it is human nature and includes far more than just physical characteristics - it includes attitude, posture, even scent, all in an attempt to use our past experiences to find a best matched mate.
We all do this to one degree or another.
Most of these 'choices' we use to pick a potential mate are done subconsciously. Our 'type' is largely defined by past relationships.
This is one reason why abused people tend to get into serial abusive relationships. We tend to find those behaviors and characteristics of our initial abuser to be somehow 'attractive' and our abusers find us because we share commonalities of other abused.
EXAMPLE: I like a specific type of nose. The reason why I like the nose is because my buddy (no sex, just really great friends) Bradley, who was funny and witty, strong and extremely personable had that nose. I associate that nose shape with all of these warm cozy attributes of Bradly. This type of nose is now attractive to me because it reminds me off all of these other wonderful qualities of Bradly. If a date a guy with this nose type, I am hoping to find those attributes Bradly had.
This is how a past relationship influences my future choices.
Is it a 'bad' thing? Depends on the person who is doing it. what are they ultimately seeking (They most likely do not know) if its a total replacement, its a potential huge problem, if its just to find some familiar, good traits, it is a 'good thing' in that it helps to cull the herd of potential suitors and is one way that we humans attempt to find a 'perfect match' to have a long relationship with.
Is it bad for you? Unknown. While he may see a lot of X in you, he might also see that you are not 100% X and you most likely have other 'good' qualities from other past relationships as he attempts to find that 'perfect' man.
It may be a positive sign that he and his X are on friendly terms. They have enough in common to be friends (which translate he is seeking a friend in you too) but there are other aspects that doesn't meet his needs for 'lover' which hopefully with those differences between you and X he sees the potential lover aspect here.
What is happening is normal and to a large degree in general a healthy way to pick and choose a mate - we all do it, it is human nature and includes far more than just physical characteristics - it includes attitude, posture, even scent, all in an attempt to use our past experiences to find a best matched mate.
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