Bad break and the aftermath 2 years later

[taylorlg89]

2 years ago my boyfriend and I broke up. The relationship only lasted about 6 months but during those 6 months it got really intense and we had spent 80 - 90% of our time together. I moved to another city and long distance was working and we did see eachother quite a bit. One night while we were talking, my boyfriend said to me that he feels like that we are just friends and maybe thats all we should be. I thought he was dumping me and I got defensive. I said `Fine, your single and you can date who ever the fuck you want` and that was the end of the relationship. We fought for a bit more and I went to bed crying and single. The next day he went to Mexico. While he was in Mexcio I asked him to get back together and he told me he needed his space. I never gave him his space and pushed him. Then the fighting started. We tried being friends but it always ended up in fights. We would talk for 2 weeks, then stop talking for a month because of a fight. And the cylce kept repeating. Every time me thinking that we will never talk again, then something happens where we end up in eachothers lives again.

At Christmas, we had a huge fight and now we are back where we aren`t talking. It`s probably the last time this will ever happen but who knows.

Our biggest problem was a communication problem. I love him, I still do. When we were together, he knew I loved him. After we broke up I never lost feelings for him and now I know he doesn`t believe me that I still love him. It hurts me everyday that I am not with him. I still don`t sleep properly, I cry once a week, I think about him all the time.

There is two things that can be done. I get back together with him, but lets be honest, that will never happen. Or I move on. And thats probably the best option. I am stuck, I don;t know how to forget someone that still means so much to me.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You don't forget.

That person is part of you - for life. While distance (in time) will lessen the pain, and there will be longer periods you do not think about him, there will be moments when suddenly that love, that grief and all of that 'stuff' will rush back and be suddenly totally right there in the moment real again.

You will now be measuring each potential mate against him. He becomes the ruler or a part of a ruler depending on previous life experiences. You will be looking for him in others - maybe not 100%, but in tiny things, the details.

Over time the pain will lessen, and you will have longer and longer periods where you do not recall. But he will never be totally gone.

It happens to all of us.

You will be ok.

[LateBloomer]

You don't forget.

That person is part of you - for life. While distance (in time) will lessen the pain, and there will be longer periods you do not think about him, there will be moments when suddenly that love, that grief and all of that 'stuff' will rush back and be suddenly totally right there in the moment real again.

You will now be measuring each potential mate against him. He becomes the ruler or a part of a ruler depending on previous life experiences. You will be looking for him in others - maybe not 100%, but in tiny things, the details.

Over time the pain will lessen, and you will have longer and longer periods where you do not recall. But he will never be totally gone.

It happens to all of us.

You will be ok.

Before I write one more word, I want to sincerely welcome Taylorlg89 to GaySpeak and wish him all the best.



But the combination of his predicament and Bowyn's response has really struck a chord with me and I want to follow up with a question for myself without hijacking this thread.

So, Bowyn, please look for "The aftermath" in this forum. I would be interested in your thoughts---and anyone else for that matter.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

For "the aftermath":

The following errors occurred with your search:

Sorry - no matches. Please try some different terms.

Maybe it was one of those lost threads?

[monk]

There is two things that can be done. I get back together with him, but lets be honest, that will never happen. Or I move on. And thats probably the best option.

In all honesty, I think you've answered your own question.

Two years is a long time to be hoping for something that, I think you know, isn't going to happen.

It's time to move on.

All the best for the future.

[pellaz]

welcome to gayspeak

sorry for your loss
it will take some time for you to think for yourself. What ever you do in between just be honest and try not to hurt anyone. When you feel you can love yourself as an individule get out and find someone special again.

[budley12]

hey there. I am in almost the same exact boat as you. I dated my ex for 2 years though and we lived together in the dorms. He was my first and I was his first. He broke up with me 2 months ago due to trust issues and he was re-evaluating everything... over xmas break he started talking to me again and said he wanted to get back together. When we got back to school we went on a date and it wasnt what he wanted and he realized he still wasnt sure. We were supposed to be going to DC this weekend and he ditched out the day before to goto NYC with his best friend and this guy who likes him. He told me that for now he just wants to be single, but I know that he still loves me and wants to see the change. We are now planning on going to get coffee next week to see if there is still any spark between us. He has hurt me so much, and I have hurt him in the past -but we still love each other. I completly understand how you are feeling and it sucks. Im at the point that im seeing counseling and I may transfer since its affecting me so much. Just know that you are not alone with this.

[taylorlg89]

In all honesty, I think you've answered your own question.

Two years is a long time to be hoping for something that, I think you know, isn't going to happen.

It's time to move on.

All the best for the future.

Oh I know that will nothing will ever happen and we will never be together. Logically, I have known this since the day we broke up. Emotionally its difficult to digest. And that`s what I am having trouble with.

How does one move on? I realize it`s hard and it takes work and over the past 2 years I have heard different advice from different people with all the same key element ``move on``. But I just don`t know how. How do you stop fighting for someone that you care about so much.