The aftermath

[LateBloomer]

i went through a straight marriage divorce and would NEVER compare anything to it. I can say this in jest.

serious:
-how much time between you and the X? Generally at least 6mo is necessary to dissipate most of the rebound.
-Life is an interview, dont fret your being compared to a previous relationship. A good thing is you can ask what failed with the previous person.
-You should assert first debs on any X boy friend interaction. 4example; i would ask my partner if I could call, email, text, visit my X. If he says no it is really a no. I also make sure he is in the room when i talk to her and put her on the speaker phone. I show him emails etc.
-My reaction after dealing with my X ... usually in tears afterwards but I am not private about my emotions. Her reaction; varies but always ends in a "I love you". The partners reaction; he tries to be constructive and offer his opinions, somewhat removed but he is constructive, NEVER negative.
-If you meet in person you have to have the confidence to shake the X's hand and say hello.

I'm short on time, but I appreciate your response.

--How much time? It's hard to say! At first he told me 8 months. Then he told me 2 months. Later he explained they hadn't had sex for the last 6 months, so that might explain the disparity. I think he knew those last 6 months they were splitting but he tried to save it until it realized it was hopeless. As I said, they were engaged and he loved (loves!) his ex-.

--The interview, yes, we've talked quite a bit about it. Well, actually he talks, I listen. It's a real drag for me, but believe me I'm pretty sure I understand what happened. Biggest fear: once they reconcile, the ex- realizes how bad he screwed up and asks for a second chance (BASTARD! I already hate him).

--I do intend to assert my #1 status if/WHEN I can ever get this relationship to the next level (moved locally with full time dating vs. long distance, part time dating).

--As sick as I feel whenever he talks about his ex- I FORCE myself to smile, maintain eye contact, LISTEN as hard as I can, be supportive and positive and confident and keep only HIS (my guy) best interests in mind. This is VERY difficult and really raises my blood pressure.

--I think a face to face meeting is inevitable if this relationship continues the way it is. Earlier today I was taking a walk and imagining just this scenario. I was trying to think of questions to ask about his job (in order to show interest, but stay professional. We're both professionals and I know this is one key trait that is very important to the guy I'm seeing, as is our age, race....

Those for sure are his types.
But we also share the same name and birthweek, believe it or not--those are incredible coincidences.



Thanks for the comments.