Having a hard time understanding

[Rutstuck]

I can't see myself being in a relationship with a guy but sometimes in my head I tell myself I'm gay but I'm notorious for believing things that aren't real what I mean is I spend way too much time in my head and so Ive told myself things and believed them and in the end they were just far from the truth. And also I do know that I get more turned on with gay thoughts and gay porn over straight porn so could that alone be a huge indicator that I'm gay? Because it's different when I'm actually having sex with a women plus i want to be with women and do get insecure around them especially if i feel I don't stand a chance with them . I've actually had women who i felt were beautiful flirt with me and I had to step back and realize it and when I did I felt a bit more confident about myself.