Is he Straight or Bi?

[zed05]

Ok, so I have an officemate and a close friend..
He's straight. He has a girlfriend..
He's too sweet to me though..
I mean, everyone knows I'm gay, so most straight men avoid me.
I only have like three straight guys at work that I can talk to, and he's one of them.
Let's call him Gio. Our workplace are divided into several teams, we're teammates.

So, me and him, teammates, we sit next to each other.
He always hears my jokes, and cracks up. Since then, we got close..
He would tickle me everytime he greets me goodmorning, sometimes when in a quick huddle or team meeting, he'll lean on my back.. He's sweet. He's very sweet to me.
Now, some people told me, Gio is Bi, and there is a possibility that Gio likes me.
But, I didn't believe it, coz he has a Girlfriend. Then, came december last year, he did things no straight guy would do for a gay guy, like go to the mall with me, eat lunch with me, hang out with me, and he's just too dang sweet to me.

I fell for him, and told him that I'm in love with him.
Then, he changed. I don't know what to do now.
Help!
If he really does like me like I like him, how would I know for sure?
And if not, how can I save our friendship?

[Rainbowmum]

Hi Zed,
First let me say that I do not wish to upset you or hurt you .
Just because Geo is Bi does not mean he can date both sexes at the same time.
I doubt he would feel comfortable cheating on his Girlfriend.

The best thing you could do is try to apologize for coming on so strong, maybe that will help.
I am really sorry that your heart is breaking right now.
Take care and keep us updated.

[iPromise]

You mention that "some people" told you that he's bi, that doesn't necessarily mean it's true right? :/

The fact that he has a girlfriend means one thing (to me at least) he's hands off. Unless he's the one acting on his urges to be with another guy, I wouldn't even bother telling him I love him sexually.

Now as a friend if you love him, that's cool, I've hung out with straight guys before that knew I am gay. They were absolutely fine with it, we went to the mall, shopped for clothes, lol, talked, chatted, went out to straight clubs together and stuff.

So the stereotype that straights don't hang out with gays is wrong, for the most parts at least. It's those insecure guys that fall into that bracket (not hanging out with a guy cause he's gay).

Anyway sounds like you definitely came off too strong with him, try explaining yourself, and be honest. Let him know that you know I really do love you, but I'm not sure if you're bi or not. I also want to respect you because you've got a girlfriend. Honestly, I'll lie a bit to get out of this one, (I don't normally recommend lying).

But he may just be a really cool straight guy, who values a gay friendship! So don't let that little "I love you" incident ruin what you two have.

And besides who knows, if down in the future he confesses to you that he actually do have feelings for you, at least it'll be on his terms.

But for the most part he probably just seems like a caring straight guy and he appreciates the friendship you guys have.

[zed05]

Thanks! Well, I know that he's hands off coz of his Girl...
But, I can't shrug off that feeling, coz, He's too touchy for a guy.
He evens calls me to say goodbye. I'm getting freaked out sometimes how sweet he is to me.
With regards to our friendship, before I told him my feelings, he actually distanced himself from me starting December last year. I just told him my feelings last week. I asked him the reason why. If he has any problems, I told him I'm here for him. But he doesnt wanna open up to me. Back on November, We went to the mall to shop for Christmas gifts, then we saw his Girlfriend with another guy, he was devastated, but they were able to fix it. I'm thinking it's the same thing now. I'm not trying to say that I have a chance when they break up. But I told him, I don't want to see him sad. But yeah. He's somehow not like before, where he was sweet. He changed. But, I'm slowly accepting that fact. That we can't get back to how we were friends before. Coz, one, he has a problem, and two, when I told him how I feel. But, I told him, whenever he needs me, I'll be there.

But then, a gay guy from our office said, MAYBE the reason he is distancing himself from me is because he is confused of his feelings for me. I mean, I really don't know, and I am willing to sacrifice my love for him just to keep our friendship. What are your thoughts about this?


PS: We never spoke since new year. But he suddenly sent me a BBM Last night.
Then we talked about his new car. But that's it. And he suddenly stopped messaging me, probably, he fell asleep..

Thank you so much for all the feedback guys, it's helping me more than you know. Please keep them coming.

[Person66]

I didn't know what to say until I read Rainbowmum's post. She's right on, just because someone is bi doesn't mean they can date both sexes at the same time, unless they consent to an open relationship. I may be wrong but I don't think most people want to share their lovers.
Let's assume Geo is bi for arguments sake. As a bi person sometimes I think we may come on too strong to people of either sex because we want them to know how much we care. And I much rather come off as kind and caring than cold and isolated. Because as I have a tendency to do this I always make sure to set clear boundaries first, letting them know I'm with I guy that I'm very very happy with.
I suspect Geo didn't do this (as in set clear boundaries). When he saw how much you liked him he he probably realized he seriously wants to make it work with this girl and withdrew, then you told him you loved him, which must have reinforced his feelings about not wanting to get involved with two people and withdrew even more.
If I were you I'd back off a little and just treat him cordially as an office mate for a few months. Do what iPromise said too. Then let time take its course and I'll bet your friendship will be closer to what it was before, but with boundaries. Let him know you respect his relationship with this girlfriend. Who knows what the future holds, he may decide he wants to be with you after all (just don't get your hopes up.
Above all I'm so so sorry about your broken heart, it's a very painful thing to go through, I know.

[zed05]

He certainly did not set clear expectations.
I always ask him about his girl when I think I wasn't 'in love' with him yet.
But he shrigs it off. He doesn't wanna talk about it.
He doesn't wanna show me his facebook account.
Then, I finally got him to add me on facebook, because an event required him to.
Saw his profile was full of pics of him and his girl, like, TONS of photos.
They look happy, so I don't know why he didn't wanna talk about it.
I asked, but again, he shrugged it off. I did set my own expectations, and boundaries.
I know, that since he has a girl, he is hands off. But I just had to tell him what I felt right?
I can't keep it in forever. The way I said it, I'm not sure if I came on too strong..
But, he seems back to normal now. He tickles me again. But, I know we can't be the same after what happened. Thanks! I'll keep you guys updated for any progress.

[zeon]

hello zed,
with regards to this instance where he is not talking to you maybe you need to talk to him and explain to him that friendships are only true friendships if u are open and honest in them. Explain that when you told him you loved him you ment it in a way to say you care for him as a friend and didnt mean to cause any offence. Answer any questions he may have

kindest regards

zeon x

[pellaz]

the gay population is small so to think someone is available in the work place is prone to failure.

sounds like things are back on track and changed for the better because you can enjoy him as a friend.

[zed05]

Well, I really can't talk to him like I can before...
I mean, I can't get a chance to talk to him one on one.
He seems ok with being friends with me..
But I have accepted the fact that we can never get our special friendship back..
I was stupid to have fallen in love, and ruin a friendship..

[zed05]

Ok, so.. Someone asked me to be his boyfriend, and I said yes without even thinking.
Everybody at work, know that I am now in a relationship.
I'm confused, coz, when 'HE' found out, it seems we are friends on the same level as before again.. He tickles me, he waits for me to eat lunch with him, he smiles at me for no reason. I was like, 'wtf?'.

Sorry, it may sound stupid, but how should I take this gesture of his?