Feeling like crap.

[Thibideau]

I know what you're going through. Right now everything you feel, now matter how terrible, seems right. You feel like you're supposed to feel terrible and you spend every waking minute triyng to convince yourself you deserve to feel that bad. You start to lose interest in everything to the point where you can't even see the old you anymore. You get up to do something and all your brain says is "Why bother". Your emotions are all over the place, you're either laughing at something that you should be scared of, or crying at something that should bring you joy. And most importantly/dangerously you start to convince yourself that your life would be better without you in it. That somehow you're such a waste of a human being that you can't justify taking up anymore oxygen.

I know this because I suffer from Clinical Depression. You sound like you're suffering from a form of Depression and you should seek medical help and make sure you talk about how you're feeling with your family.

When people say depression, a lot of people just brush it off and think that means you're feling sad or down. That's not what Depression is. Depression is a mental illness and there are multiple types with multiple causes.

You're suffering from Typical Depression symptoms which are defined by loss of appetite and insomnia. Atypical symptoms(While just as common) are the opposite, over eating and over sleeping. Your actual type of depression could be seasonal, clinical, manic, ect.

Seasonal Depression occurs in Winter due to lack of sunlight. Some people struggle to maintain vitamin D(Which we get from the sun) which is used to in the production of seratonin in the brain.

Clinical Dpesrrion is caused by the brain not being able to regulate the uptake of seratonin in the brain. This means your brain uses more than it's supposed to and then runs dry, causing you to crash. Normally when you experience certain things your brains responce is to uptake seratonin to produce happy feelings. If that's not there your brain can't funtion properly. Other types of Depression can be caused from trauma or other underlying medical problems. Either way you need medical attention because it's not just 'the blues' and if you're having suicidal thoughts you can't handle it on your own.

There are ways to handle all types of depression, but you have to talk about it with someone in your life. We do not count. People over the internet are annonymus and us telling you to seek help or not do anything rash, isn't likely to have much of an effect. You need to tell someone in your life how you've been feeling and seek medical help. Depression is often down played in every day life but it is very serious and you need someone else to guide you through it, whether you tell a family member or friend, or just go straight to your doctor.