How do I stop feeling lustful?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Well today was good I guess, I learnt a few things and said quite a lot too.

I’ve started to see the councillor at the Sanctuary this morning and we talked for an hour about all my worries and childhood memories. We still have a lot more to talk about on the next appointment next week.

I got to write down what I remember of what happened and dates, names and even what they did to me and other kids. I'm a little scarred to do that but I have a week to do it though.

The councilor thinks I am very vulnerable as I’m very open to people and way to nice for my own good. She said that makes me very open to abuse by men that just want to use me.

She told me a lot of guys in my situation end up in prostitution, strangely I have thought of that a few times in the last month. I didn’t tell her that though but was strange that she said about it though. I think I been put on some sort of list for vulnerable people too, but not sure as I thought got what she said.

It was nice to get most of it out in the open though, I feel a lot better though. But I still have to write down what I remember

THAT fast?!?!?! :eek:

Any and all therapists I went to see about my plethora of abuses I received went through more recent life stuff (my typical day, how am I feeling about current events - that sort of thing) and go to know who I am as a person now before delving into the deep dark ancient history of my past. 2-3 sometimes more sessions would be dedicated to the whole 'getting to know you' before the therapists would start asking me to tell them about the long past.

IDK this just 'feels' wrong to me. Why the list? Why other kids? That doesn't set right - this should be about you and only you, not anyone else.

Are you certain this is a therapist, a psychologist, or is this a police person who is seeking 'evidence' to prosecute and find other victims?

IF you are not comfortable talking about this stuff from the long past, I strongly suggest you tell this person to stop going there.

Whatever happened to you you most likely kept under wraps for a long time - that means you have to be 100% comfortable with whoever you tell these sorts of details too. I seriously doubt you are 100% comfortable with a complete stranger and are fully ready to start dredging the past.

Therapy is not a race, it isn't supposed to be done rapidly, it isn't supposed to through you back into the past until the therapist is pretty darn certain she/he ain't going to trigger you or do further psychological harm.

From your description here, this individual is pushing you way too hard, way to fast and doesn't appear to be cognizant of the potential dangers and risks to your emotional and mental well being.

Who is this person? What is their qualifications? Are you really ready to sit down and dig up the ancient past and look at it closely?

While I have had therapists have me make lists, those lists dealt with how I felt about things, not a list of other people involved.

I didn't even have to give my mother's or fathers name to a therapist and none - not a single one, ever asked for that sort of data.

When I was doing post domestic violence counseling, the therapist even said that I did not have to give any names unless I wanted too.

So this situation is very odd to me - very unsettling, and doesn't appear to have your best interests in mind.

Do be very, very careful.

That fear you have is a healthy fear in this case, listen to it. You do not HAVE to do anything a therapist suggests. DO ask questions as to 'why' when they do something that causes you fear, anxiety, sadness or any feeling. DO insist on taking it slowly and dealing with things piecemeal if you need it that way.

How can this therapist know you are vulnerable? Based on how many session is this 'diagnoses' being made? If you have less than 4 I would be very wary of anything she tells you is 'wrong' with you.

Something isn't right here.

[Anonymous]

THAT fast?!?!?! :eek:

Any and all therapists I went to see about my plethora of abuses I received went through more recent life stuff (my typical day, how am I feeling about current events - that sort of thing) and go to know who I am as a person now before delving into the deep dark ancient history of my past. 2-3 sometimes more sessions would be dedicated to the whole 'getting to know you' before the therapists would start asking me to tell them about the long past.

IDK this just 'feels' wrong to me. Why the list? Why other kids? That doesn't set right - this should be about you and only you, not anyone else.

Are you certain this is a therapist, a psychologist, or is this a police person who is seeking 'evidence' to prosecute and find other victims?

IF you are not comfortable talking about this stuff from the long past, I strongly suggest you tell this person to stop going there.

Whatever happened to you you most likely kept under wraps for a long time - that means you have to be 100% comfortable with whoever you tell these sorts of details too. I seriously doubt you are 100% comfortable with a complete stranger and are fully ready to start dredging the past.

Therapy is not a race, it isn't supposed to be done rapidly, it isn't supposed to through you back into the past until the therapist is pretty darn certain she/he ain't going to trigger you or do further psychological harm.

From your description here, this individual is pushing you way too hard, way to fast and doesn't appear to be cognizant of the potential dangers and risks to your emotional and mental well being.

Who is this person? What is their qualifications? Are you really ready to sit down and dig up the ancient past and look at it closely?

While I have had therapists have me make lists, those lists dealt with how I felt about things, not a list of other people involved.

I didn't even have to give my mother's or fathers name to a therapist and none - not a single one, ever asked for that sort of data.

When I was doing post domestic violence counseling, the therapist even said that I did not have to give any names unless I wanted too.

So this situation is very odd to me - very unsettling, and doesn't appear to have your best interests in mind.

Do be very, very careful.

That fear you have is a healthy fear in this case, listen to it. You do not HAVE to do anything a therapist suggests. DO ask questions as to 'why' when they do something that causes you fear, anxiety, sadness or any feeling. DO insist on taking it slowly and dealing with things piecemeal if you need it that way.

How can this therapist know you are vulnerable? Based on how many session is this 'diagnoses' being made? If you have less than 4 I would be very wary of anything she tells you is 'wrong' with you.

Something isn't right here.

How can this therapist know you are vulnerable?

Sadly i am physically disabled and I have a few mental health problems, my family have a history of domestic violence which I told her about. I don't have many friends.

I have been taken advantage of a few times with a few guys as well.

Which makes me very isolated, and vulnerable?

and the school where this took place was a school for children with behavior problems, that also has a history of physical abused towards the children between 1995 to 2007.

She maybe rushing thing buy sadly in the UK that's how things are done as you can only see people like this one hour week for about 6 weeks max.

[Anonymous]

SO how else thinks this doesn't sound right please speak up?

[Counselor]

Bowyn, we in the US are not accustomed to the practices in the UK, and this might be routine over there...if we can get input from a UK member that has been in extensive counseling there, it could prove beneficial.

On the other hand, it might be important for Anonymous to recognize (and name) the damage that has been done in order to acknowledge that the malevolent parties were responsible for the damage, and that his self-worth and experience are important for moving past it, in order to "relocate" the blame and guilt associated with his sexual desire and outlet.

And I might be talking out of my ass. I've been drinking.

[Rainbowmum]

I think the real problem is your shame not your lust.

In complete agreement.

[Lordswitch]

anonymous,

private message me if you wanna talk, we can chat.

[Nick9]

I’ve started to see the councillor at the Sanctuary this morning and we talked for an hour about all my worries and childhood memories. We still have a lot more to talk about on the next appointment next week.

I got to write down what I remember of what happened and dates, names and even what they did to me and other kids. I'm a little scarred to do that but I have a week to do it though.

The councilor thinks I am very vulnerable as I’m very open to people and way to nice for my own good. She said that makes me very open to abuse by men that just want to use me.

She told me a lot of guys in my situation end up in prostitution, strangely I have thought of that a few times in the last month.
It was nice to get most of it out in the open though, I feel a lot better though. But I still have to write down what I remember

I have been sitting here for some time with my fingertips on the keyboard, trying to find something to encourage you. But all I can think about is I DON'T LIKE IT.

So the councilor (what does it mean? a psychiatrist? a therapist? Does a man need to study for years to become a councilor?) tells you you are "very vulnerable" because you are "very open to people" and you are "very open to abuse"

And it the next sentence she pushes you into something that you don't want to do. Well, that's a kind of abuse too in my book.

She represents the authority in the relationship between you two. You came asking for help and hopeful. She must know that deep down you trust her opinion and you will try to do what she tells you.

She have to be TWICE that careful because of that. She wants you to not only think about the trauma, but even WRITE it. Writing about something can be more painful and more deep digging that just thinking about it. And she wants you to do that alone? :eek: And you are supposed to come in a week?

Doesn't she see that a lot of things can happen during seven days when a person enters the very dark part of his life and does it alone?

Sure, for some people it will be OK to do that, but honestly, if it was so easy for you, you wouldn't seek her help. She can't know you. She have seen you just once. She can't have any idea if you happily write a list on a piece of paper, or if you cut your wrists under the weight of all the bad memories.

I understand the need to talk to someone about the things that had happened. I understand the relief that comes with knowing that someone is there for you and the hope that you have put in her.

Just know that if she is not able to take care of your heart, you will be the one who will have to do it. You will have to ask yourself all the time, Do I want to answer that? Is it safe for me to answer that?

I saw just two therapists. The first one needed just 30 minutes to put me into deep suicide mood. I spent a great deal outside his office, thinking if the windows in the corridors can be opened and if I should leave my backpack on the floor or take it with me. On my way home I was this close from making that one step that would put me under the subway train.

Don't automatically trust therapists. Some are jerks and some are not educated enough.

She absolutely doesn't need any names. What would she do with the list? :eek: Everything you tell her is confident. At least I hope so!!

In the beginning, the names are not important. Your feelings are. The way you are trying to cope with it.

It's like there is a locked closet in front of you, overfilled with all kind of crap. She wants you to open both door wide :eek:
Would you do that in real life? With a real closet? Everything would fall on your head!

Therapy is long process. If it is true that there is like six appointments and that will be it...

Google her up. Try to find anything that would tell you if she is reliable, if she in fact helped her patients. And never let her push you into anything.