Parenting.....

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Why was the kid crying? How often does the kid cry? Is this crying because the kid is hurt or because the kid wants his way over the parent's way?

The real problem here is that this kid has two parents with two different parenting methods. Mommy most likely does coddle and give the kid his way all the time, thus the kids is real good at springing forth a well of tears making mommy do what he wants. Both parents can't talk about marital problems, so we can't expect them to reach an agreement on how to raise sonny boy.

So maybe you are seeing dad really being left with teaching the kid that its not always his own way in life thus you see the 'cruel' side of this story and not the crueler and more harmful over attentive mother who is literally spoiling the kid rotten, not setting limits to his demands allowing him to dominate the household, thus setting a life patten of his always demanding everyone bends to his will.

Toddlers will cry to get their way, it is an effective weapon in their arsenal to make adults bend to their will (it worked with you, you were pwn'd by a toddler - 'grats :tongue. We can't have a 2 year old always getting their way, they must conform to the rules, they must do things they don't like or they will grow up being selfish savages always demanding things be done their way and not follow the rules.

Yes there are limits, however this is just two small spans of time you have spent around this parent child and you do not know what else is going on. This may be the application of 'tough love' where dad has been forced to 'ignore' the tears and let the kid learn that tears will not win him X (whatever the reward he usually receives for tears).

When you become a parent you are going to end up doing hideously cruel things, you most likely will resort to methods that any outsider who happens to be watching at the moment will condemn you for. However as the parent you have the full inside take on what is going on and most likely will see the interference of others as at best misinformed, if not down right annoying.

[Nick9]

Why was the kid crying? How often does the kid cry? Is this crying because the kid is hurt or because the kid wants his way over the parent's way?

Good question. I haven't thought about that.

We can't have a 2 year old always getting their way, they must conform to the rules, they must do things they don't like or they will grow up being selfish savages always demanding things be done their way and not follow the rules.

Well, yeah, but you can spoil a toddler rotten and still raise a good man. You will have (hopefully) many more years to teach him all the rules.

When you become a parent you are going to end up doing hideously cruel things, you most likely will resort to methods that any outsider who happens to be watching at the moment will condemn you for. However as the parent you have the full inside take on what is going on and most likely will see the interference of others as at best misinformed, if not down right annoying.

On the other hand people around should watch and think about what is going on, otherwise it could happen that nobody notices an abusive behavior.

[HollandofFrance]

the man is a subhuman creep

[Person66]

What is there to say that Rainbowmum hasn't?
My own father and I were very close until I was 5 and his mother came into the picture, she said he was being too soft with me, too kind,etc. So from then on we barely had a relationship at all. Only recently did he realize that his mother was only using him and now wants my forgiveness.

I have to politely disagree with B.A (who's usually so spot on). This kid was not turning on the waterworks to get something. He didn't con you, what did he get out of it? A hug?
His father seems like a creep and "blended" families rarely work out best for the children.

I plan never to have children, I just don't have the extra time and money, and nothing good to offer them.. I much rather live out my live with a significant other, traveling and doing the things I love.

[Scotty]

Maybe the kid is just a lad who crys a lot. Tbh mate you really ought not to interfere in another kids upbringing. Even though I reckon your intentions were good

[dfiant]

Child neglect comes in many forms, from what you have described and the child's reaction to your offer for a hug, the child is being neglected.

There is no reason why a child shouldn't expect a hug, comfort and security from their own father.

I'm sorry to say it Aunty, your friend sounds like a scumbag, and I would take great pleausre in slapping him stupid until he hugged and bonded with his child.

[Scotty]

Just cause a kid does not get hugged does not mean its neglected. I'm 17 and have never had a hug from my dad lol

[dfiant]

I never got a hug from my father, I feel neglected by him because he never allowed me to bond or connect. So yes, it can mean neglect. and refering to a child as an 'it' is emotional detachment.

[Gizzie]

I agree that you should probably not be involved in this matter, but I do understand that this could stick in your mind for day ans weeks and months.

I personally decided not to have kids in any way because I did not enjoy my childhood and I am scared that I might screw a kid up as badly as I was.

My parents moved to Australia when I was four and decided to dump me into a local kindergarten despite my having zero English skills.
I was told to just man up and adjust and since kids are kids they assumed I would be fine.
But I wasn't. and I know that that experience of having no one to rely on, no one to help you, and feeling abandoned has effected my life as a teenager and adult.

So I do think that you offering the kid a hug is the best thing you could have done to him at that moment.

I am sure you will become a great father in the future

[mrk2010]

Even though the principle of what you did was kind hearted, I think you should just leave it alone. For all you know the child might have had a couple of bad days where he was naughty and has been crying persistently which even for the most expert of parents can be quite challenging. You said the child is 2 1/2, ever heard of the terrible 2's? That's when kids test their boundaries more and test their parents with how much they can get away with. Also at about this age, this is when kids start to realise they can manipulate their parents and do things like crying to get attention (yes even at this age a child knows how it can manipulate). On the other hand the child might be unhappy with its current home situation as I gather from the post the parents are separated if this is true? I hardly think the child is suffering, at worst he may just have a father who is emotionally closed off from his son and a bit detached and may be picking up on this and being upset. This could potentially be slightly worrying but not to a massive extent. If I may be a tiny bit blunt, as long as the child is been fed, clothed and is been treated well (I.e not coming from an abusive background) its not really any of your business. Also as you are just a friend you aren't in he house all of the time and you don't actually see what goes on in the house this might have just been two instances where the child has been upset. The parents make the rules and regulations and bring up the child to the best of their ability and since you aren't the parent it's really not your problem and shouldn't take it upon yourself to undermine the parents authority. I want kids in the future and if anybody tried to undermine me and my values Id tell that idividual to not interfere and that I was really offended. Maybe one day when you have a child yourself you will then have the right to discipline it and treat it the way you see fit but until then just be careful not to interfere as you may annoy the parent.