Parenting.....

[Nick9]

We don't know why the kid was crying but according this:

"he said No this is what his mother has done by making him such an insecure child... I told him it isnt hjis sons fault he is like this and feel that he reacted over the top so he told me its how he was bought up...."

it seems that for his father this kind of behavior is a norm and is perfectly okay. You never raise a self-confident child when you treat him this way. You need to set the boundaries but not like this.
I don't think that you can change your friend, but I do think you did a good thing. You didn't secretly give him a lollipop when his father told you not to. You gave him feeling that there was somebody for him at the moment when he needed to feel secure. Sad thing, that his Dad wasn't able to do this for him.

[zeon]

This is just so terrible. So his parents are divorced? He is just so young to be treated like this. Well, I guess we are never too old to get hug.
this sounds like a psychical abuse to me *sad*

Hello,
Apparently his mother doesnt want to have him and when his father tries to get control she gets all funny with it and then the father says that a child should be with his mum.... Not if the mother is playing silly bvuggers with the lil one

[Nick9]

Sorry, I got it wrong, deleting my post now *blush*

[zeon]

Even though the principle of what you did was kind hearted, I think you should just leave it alone. For all you know the child might have had a couple of bad days where he was naughty and has been crying persistently which even for the most expert of parents can be quite challenging. You said the child is 2 1/2, ever heard of the terrible 2's? That's when kids test their boundaries more and test their parents with how much they can get away with. Also at about this age, this is when kids start to realise they can manipulate their parents and do things like crying to get attention (yes even at this age a child knows how it can manipulate). On the other hand the child might be unhappy with its current home situation as I gather from the post the parents are separated if this is true? I hardly think the child is suffering, at worst he may just have a father who is emotionally closed off from his son and a bit detached and may be picking up on this and being upset. This could potentially be slightly worrying but not to a massive extent. If I may be a tiny bit blunt, as long as the child is been fed, clothed and is been treated well (I.e not coming from an abusive background) its not really any of your business. Also as you are just a friend you aren't in he house all of the time and you don't actually see what goes on in the house this might have just been two instances where the child has been upset. The parents make the rules and regulations and bring up the child to the best of their ability and since you aren't the parent it's really not your problem and shouldn't take it upon yourself to undermine the parents authority. I want kids in the future and if anybody tried to undermine me and my values Id tell that idividual to not interfere and that I was really offended. Maybe one day when you have a child yourself you will then have the right to discipline it and treat it the way you see fit but until then just be careful not to interfere as you may annoy the parent.

Hello,
The background on this child is that his mum and dad are split and they live 20 miles away from each other.. Now according to my friend who is the father he has said that he left the childs mother because she started to play the field anmd say she is going out with friends but then my mate turned up at her friends place and she wasnt there... He found her in bed with another man and when he left her she handed him his son and after 13 days decided to take his son back and has apparently bedded 15 men in one month after splitting... I find this disgusting behaviour and can understand why the child may feel like he is being emotional because his mother is too busy shagging other blokes and dis regarding his son... How can a mother do this to a child they have bought in the world...
I have spoken with my friend on a level about this (because I dont care whats what I see something that needs to be mentioned I am mentioning it as i feel its better to talk than not do anything at all...) and he tells me constantly that his son is always crying when he first comes and visits but i told him he didnt need to go mental over it. He has said that his son is so sensitive his convinced his going to be gay and I told him to stop being bloody stupid and accept the fact that his son needs someone to give him re assurance. Of course two year olds play bastards but i dont know of any two year olds that stand in a corner by their toy box clutching a blanket and stare at you absolutely petrified to come ask for a hug that they begin to cry and will stand there crying their heart out until you invite them over for a cuddle...

Parents that do that to their children need their heads examined child abuse as i can see from the mothers part isnt fair and I have encoured my friend rto go for custody as he is wantying to do so and toldf him ill support him 100% with getting legal battles...

Kindest regasrd

zeon

*wipes tear*

[zeon]

Just cause a kid does not get hugged does not mean its neglected. I'm 17 and have never had a hug from my dad lol

There is a big difference in not getting a hug and being raised happily in other ways like what you have encountered and there is with being raised not happy and not getting hugged... I would imagen you maybe never craved some comfort as a baby/toddler but most kids do want a cuddle.. I never got a hug off my dad either mister as he walked out but i wont let others suffer too kind for that

[mrk2010]

Hello,
The background on this child is that his mum and dad are split and they live 20 miles away from each other.. Now according to my friend who is the father he has said that he left the childs mother because she started to play the field anmd say she is going out with friends but then my mate turned up at her friends place and she wasnt there... He found her in bed with another man and when he left her she handed him his son and after 13 days decided to take his son back and has apparently bedded 15 men in one month after splitting... I find this disgusting behaviour and can understand why the child may feel like he is being emotional because his mother is too busy shagging other blokes and dis regarding his son... How can a mother do this to a child they have bought in the world...
I have spoken with my friend on a level about this (because I dont care whats what I see something that needs to be mentioned I am mentioning it as i feel its better to talk than not do anything at all...) and he tells me constantly that his son is always crying when he first comes and visits but i told him he didnt need to go mental over it. He has said that his son is so sensitive his convinced his going to be gay and I told him to stop being bloody stupid and accept the fact that his son needs someone to give him re assurance. Of course two year olds play bastards but i dont know of any two year olds that stand in a corner by their toy box clutching a blanket and stare at you absolutely petrified to come ask for a hug that they begin to cry and will stand there crying their heart out until you invite them over for a cuddle...

Parents that do that to their children need their heads examined child abuse as i can see from the mothers part isnt fair and I have encoured my friend rto go for custody as he is wantying to do so and toldf him ill support him 100% with getting legal battles...

Kindest regasrd

zeon

*wipes tear*

At the end of the day it's still not your child. I don't agree with what the mother is doing but you can't take a child away from its mother for sleeping with a load of men. I personally don't agree with it as it can't be that stable for the child. However if the child is being neglected as a result this is wrong behaviour and the appropriate authorities should be called. No offence but staying with the father doesn't seem that much better either. To be honest they both seem as bad as each other. If the child is looking petrified and scared there may be more underlying issues and things that you haven't seen. To be realistic about court action in the majority of cases courts rule based in the mothers rights, I don't agree with it. If your friend were to try to get custody he would have to prove child neglect is taking place. Although she is being promiscuous this in itself isn't child neglect however if the little boy isn't been fed or looked after he may have a case. Like I said before don't try to get too involved its not your place to do so, it's the fathers. But . . . . . If you feel so strongly about it I would think about calling social services if you are that concerned but beware once you call them you can't take it back. I hope this helps some way.

[Genersis]

I was raised kinda harsh in my opinion.
When ever i did something wrong i was shouted at, and if what i did was bad enough i'd get a smack.
Also, there was a "no talking back rule", If i was told to do something, or if i was shouted at, i wasn't allowed to say a word or i was threatened with more spankings.

It got to a point that when ever i did something wrong, i'd run and find a place to hide, and stayed there and cried for quite a while(If my dad didn't come and drag me out of my hiding place.).
Safe to say, it's probably one of the major factors in why my feelings for my dad fall anywhere between "ok" and "hate".

That all cleared up when i was around 10-12.
I think my parents really should of heard me out more as to why i did some bad things rather than just threaten me more when i tried to explain myself, and be kind enough to EXPLAIN to me why some of the things i did were wrong.

They've asked me a few times in recent years if i felt i was raised well, and that they weren't too strict on me and my brother.
I don't have the heart to say anything but "Yes, you raised us just fine."

Can't help but feel this has contributed to my current mental health problems in some way.
Even to this day, when one of my parents have a go at me, i lose my voice and just have to wait it out/walk away.

I'd never raise a child the way I was raised.
I'm on the fence about having kids though, i hated school(Loved learning,HATED the social aspects of it all), i don't think i could put another person through the school system.
It would kill me on the inside to hear my child is being bullied.:frown:
I've been leaning towards the idea recently though.

[zeon]

I was raised kinda harsh in my opinion.
When ever i did something wrong i was shouted at, and if what i did was bad enough i'd get a smack.
Also, there was a "no talking back rule", If i was told to do something, or if i was shouted at, i wasn't allowed to say a word or i was threatened with more spankings.

It got to a point that when ever i did something wrong, i'd run and find a place to hide, and stayed there and cried for quite a while(If my dad didn't come and drag me out of my hiding place.).
Safe to say, it's probably one of the major factors in why my feelings for my dad fall anywhere between "ok" and "hate".

That all cleared up when i was around 10-12.
I think my parents really should of heard me out more as to why i did some bad things rather than just threaten me more when i tried to explain myself, and be kind enough to EXPLAIN to me why some of the things i did were wrong.

They've asked me a few times in recent years if i felt i was raised well, and that they weren't too strict on me and my brother.
I don't have the heart to say anything but "Yes, you raised us just fine."

Can't help but feel this has contributed to my current mental health problems in some way.
Even to this day, when one of my parents have a go at me, i lose my voice and just have to wait it out/walk away.

I'd never raise a child the way I was raised.
I'm on the fence about having kids though, i hated school(Loved learning,HATED the social aspects of it all), i don't think i could put another person through the school system.
It would kill me on the inside to hear my child is being bullied.:frown:
I've been leaning towards the idea recently though.

Hello,
I have had a bad childhood experiences but i have learnt and thought about how to combat it and the problem lies with showing you can be a better parent than that of yours... I know when i move to a bigger home with more than one bedroom I do plan to go down the adoption route and if my adopted child is getting bullied at school by christ they best deal with it and put an end because I tolerate a zero tolerance to bullying.. Mind you i think id be the kind of parent where id like to request a meeting with the other childs parent(s) to discuss the following issues arising and let them see whats going on and try to see the problem... When i was younger i did get bullied in school which I think has helped me to be the better person I am today however this whole concept i often heard as a child.... Kids are kids and doing what kids do best,.,, I dont accept that kids can be the most evil thing on the planet because they dont acknowledge til much older the difference between right and wrong and if my child was ever the bully... God have mercy on them because i would give them the same punishment id expect from my child bullies parents.... No double standard clap crap

Kindest regards zeon

[zeon]

At the end of the day it's still not your child. I don't agree with what the mother is doing but you can't take a child away from its mother for sleeping with a load of men. I personally don't agree with it as it can't be that stable for the child. However if the child is being neglected as a result this is wrong behaviour and the appropriate authorities should be called. No offence but staying with the father doesn't seem that much better either. To be honest they both seem as bad as each other. If the child is looking petrified and scared there may be more underlying issues and things that you haven't seen. To be realistic about court action in the majority of cases courts rule based in the mothers rights, I don't agree with it. If your friend were to try to get custody he would have to prove child neglect is taking place. Although she is being promiscuous this in itself isn't child neglect however if the little boy isn't been fed or looked after he may have a case. Like I said before don't try to get too involved its not your place to do so, it's the fathers. But . . . . . If you feel so strongly about it I would think about calling social services if you are that concerned but beware once you call them you can't take it back. I hope this helps some way.

Hello Mr K,
I can understand why you say to call the social services however look at the famous case of Baby P... A little toddler who was neglected and the services sat back and only did something after this child had died as a result from his injuries and technically there should be NO deaths or harm to children... They dont ask to be bought in this world they are granted it by two consenting adults who are in it to become parents... I am aware that it isnt my business and accept your views however it isnt in my nature to sit on the fence and just watch and get a third party... I know i may get hated but the thing with my friend is he scares alot of people because his got quite a temper to the point he doesnt think twice about putting someone in hospital but mentally im stronger than him and this is where he respects me as he knows i can give advice and guidance... If needed... I know over time as i get to know his child more i may understand more about it and give advice where needed on some aspects but if it got seriously dangerous or slightly worse than now i will go to the services however i wouldnt do it annoymous otherwise im giving an image of two faces and that isnt something I do... If there is a problem it must be tackled face to face

Kindest regards

zeon x

[dfiant]

Social services would be the absolute last port of call, their history of not acting appropriately is well known, it it doesn't change from country to country. They're beauracrats, at the end of the day they get a wage and most of them care less about kids than the abusive parents do.