02-20-2012, 04:16 AM
I feel like I live in a world where it's acceptable to "lie" and live a life on the outside that contrasts sharply, and painfully with the person I am inside...I'm just a regular, guy except I happened to like guys a little more than I should perhaps? lol I tend to romanticize every encounter, every meeting as a chance to get to know another man for who he is...which leaves me with a feeling more valuable than gold; I couldn't be any less concerned with what you HAVE physically; I'm far to ambitious, and intelligent to find the "hard way" and have to give it up to get what I WANT the person I am, looks for what is inside a person, not for ill, but for the positive...and yet I've let everyone have THEIR say about what I should do...I've allowed myself to fall into self-condemnation, and self-loathing for wanting a life with a man....for doubting that another man, could FEEL to the degree and intensity like I do...I'm just not one for facades...the real YOU will ALWAYS do for me.
Currently, I find it hard for that reason to reconcile what I feel with another man, and yet, nothing, NOTHING in my life has ever been so simple...wanting to hold his hand, kiss him, and make him feel like he's protected from the storm, to take him to my favorite spots, and yeah, getting into trouble together...someone to share all the times with, good or bad...someone, who looks at me, and isn't afraid to roll his sleeves up, and work just as hard for this love as I am...and to love him in his weakness, to help him re-discover his strength....to hold him at night, and to make EVERY NIGHT unforgettable....I'm a true romantic; a masculine guy, just one who never had the patience for the games....
I've spent so much time hating myself, loathing myself, not to mention SMOKING MYSELF lol into a state of disbelief about my sexuality, only to come to the realization that I hate the fact that I've been told that I can't find happiness in this "lifestyle"...that I won't find a man, to raise children with, a man that shares the same intensity, passion, and determination to turn this world around....If there are no more heroes, I'll just step up and say I want to be one.....
AND IM GAY.
Hopefully, one day, these words will sting less...saying goodbye to the "American Dream" after it's been practically RAMMED down your throat for so long is hard to do lol
for the time being, I just want to re-introduce myself, and get to know some of you guys! Thanks!
Currently, I find it hard for that reason to reconcile what I feel with another man, and yet, nothing, NOTHING in my life has ever been so simple...wanting to hold his hand, kiss him, and make him feel like he's protected from the storm, to take him to my favorite spots, and yeah, getting into trouble together...someone to share all the times with, good or bad...someone, who looks at me, and isn't afraid to roll his sleeves up, and work just as hard for this love as I am...and to love him in his weakness, to help him re-discover his strength....to hold him at night, and to make EVERY NIGHT unforgettable....I'm a true romantic; a masculine guy, just one who never had the patience for the games....
I've spent so much time hating myself, loathing myself, not to mention SMOKING MYSELF lol into a state of disbelief about my sexuality, only to come to the realization that I hate the fact that I've been told that I can't find happiness in this "lifestyle"...that I won't find a man, to raise children with, a man that shares the same intensity, passion, and determination to turn this world around....If there are no more heroes, I'll just step up and say I want to be one.....
AND IM GAY.
Hopefully, one day, these words will sting less...saying goodbye to the "American Dream" after it's been practically RAMMED down your throat for so long is hard to do lol
for the time being, I just want to re-introduce myself, and get to know some of you guys! Thanks!